sexually invisable

Feeling Sexually Bored? Maybe a Little Numb?

Once upon a time, I felt sexually discarded - almost numb. I didn't feel like anyone noticed me anymore as a sexual being. I was a lot of things, a wife, mother, worker-bee, daughter, sister and general good doer! But a sexually being? A hottie? A Head turner? Not so much! And I once was! What happened? Maybe it was the baby weight - or my life obligations, or monogamy. I didn't know - but I had stopped looking in the mirror and I didn't see myself reflected back in the eyes of men anymore. I felt like nobody saw me as a sexual being anymore - and I think that perhaps that is because I stopped seeing myself as a sexual being. The fact is that I was not unattractive. I was perhaps a little too plump by societies standards, but I was not un-kempt or unattractive. But I had lost the swing to my hips.

The good news? I got it back - in spades in my forties and even wrote a book about it! And now at fifty, I am now owning my sexuality in ways that I don't think that I had a clue about in my 20's and 30's. For me - my forties were a time of reawakening and reclaiming my sexually discarded self. And you can do it too, even if you think it is not possible. There are lots of ways to get your sexual mojo back and reclaim your sexuality. I don't mean to sound like a twisted soccer mom here - but I believe that your pleasure is not only important - but it is a vital life force that deserves to be nutured. And the reclaiming of your sexual pleasure will not only bring joy back to your life - but to those around you! You know that old saying - "If mama isn't happy - nobody is happy!"

So - take a few steps to help reclaim your sexuality from the trash bin!

1. Make time for pleasure. If you don't put the oxygen mask over your face first - you can't help others. So make time for yourself. Put yourself at the top of the totem pole. It's not selfish - it is necessary.

2. Reach for some help! There are some fabulous products on the market that can give your sexuality a reboot! I love Zestra for women! It's an arousal gel. And there have been times when it has really helped me shake things up at home.

3. Be compassionate to yourself. Know that you are not alone. Other people are searching for answers too. Talk to your friends. What are they doing to help themselves recharge their batteries? You might be surprised if you open up the conversation! Sharing tips with friends will make you laugh and open your eyes to new possibilities.

4. Create intimacy with yourself. What can you do to remove the barriers to pleasure in your life? I think that learning to see ourselves with new eyes can change how the world sees us.

I believe that our sexuality is self renewing with no expiration dates. You can recharge, reboot and recycle! It's there - waiting for you.

Are You Willing To "Be Seen" As a Sexual Being?

"Being Seen" has always been a really huge issue for me.  I have always wanted to be seen - and I have always lived in fear of the judgment that would follow if anyone truly saw the real me. And who was the real me anyway? I wasn't too clear about that either! There are so many aspects of my life - where I am obviously seen a lot. I am seen as a Fertility Advocate, a Blogger, a "Founder" and a daughter, wife, mother, sister and friend.  I am very busy in in the world of social media - and you can friend me on Facebook or follow my tweets. You would think that I have no problem at all with "Being Seen" - with  such a big mouth! But that is not what I am talking about....I am talking about being seen as a sexual, erotic being.  For years - that part of me was completely invisible.  And I chronicle my journey from being sexually invisible to being brave enough to be seen as an erotic being in my memoir, SHAMELESS - just as I was then and just as I am now.

It's a long, story - one that I am not going to go into now - but just for argument sake - have you read those articles about buying sexy lingerie "Just for You".  Those women magazine pieces that suggest that you should go buy those sexy pull up stocking and put them on so that only you know how hot you are? These pieces are meant to inspire ourselves into feeling sexy from the inside out - and it does help. I have done that - and it can be very delicious to walk into a buttoned up business meeting and know that you are wearing a rhinestone bra.....but that is not what I am talking about. Many women are willing to buy the sexy and keep it private and under wraps. Some never even wear it for the partners.

What if you allowed yourself to be seen wearing the sexy? What about being photographed? Have you ever thought of that? How scary would that be? How delicious would that be? Just think about it....

I went from a woman that wouldn't look at myself below the neck line to a lady who loves to put on sexy lingerie for the camera! Now how did that happen? And trust me on this - my size hasn't changed all that much through the years. I am still a handful!

But there was incredible power for me - as a woman - to allow myself to express who I was out loud in living color as a sexual being through my clothing. And once I realized that I could not only feel good in silk - but look good enough  too - I began to get braver about allowing myself the pleasure of prancing in my costumes! First for my husband , then  for the camera.

Some how it was the act of being seen that really helped me in coming  alive as a feminine being. It was as if  posing like a sex goddess gave me the courage to be that sex goddess.  Maybe it was the encouragement of the photographer. I just don't know. But there I was showing up and playing the part of the calendar girl.  And then - some how - I wasn't playing the part anymore. I became the calendar girl!

I didn't need to hide my body - my size 14 frame - my less than perfect anything! It was like a proclamation to myself - and to the world to  bring it on! It was as if the young sex kitten in my middle aged body was shouting "SEE ME".  I am just who I am and I am perfect in this "as is" container.

For me - there was and still is great healing in being seen simply as a desirable woman. It was a part of myself that I didn't believe in for so long.  And it is so good to finally come out - and offer you my eyes looking boldly back at you from my photographs.  Yes - this is me too.

No shame here!  Just a playful, sexy, fun woman who has finally found her skin.