pleasure

Attention NYC Area Women: Join me on June 11th for The Arousal Principle and Pleasure Mapping!

NYC Area Women! Join me in person, on June 11th for some inspiration, expansion, and perhaps even a little transformation! As a sexuality and intimacy coach I place an extraordinary amount of attention on arousal (not orgasm) as life force energy. "The Arousal Principal" as I like to call it, is a way of considering this energetic state which is the noticeable rise of sensual energy in the body starting in our genitals as a doorway to fuel all of your creative activities not just the full expression of your sexuality. Arousal energy can fuel your writing, art, gardening, relationships, or any other aspect of your life including your relationship with money! And like anything else, you need to spend time exploring and experimenting with this state in your own life to see it's unique potential for you.

Many people describe the feeling as heat, warming, or tingling. A great way to start is to begin to use this delicious state to fuel your meditation practice as well as considering this energetic state as a place to explore your sexual nature on your way to deepened your relationship with your own fully expressed erotic creature.

During this three hour workshop, we will explore female arousal energy in meditation practice, and then create our own "Pleasure Plan" through Pleasure and Sexuality Mapping. You will be creating a map to take home with you.

Buy tickets and get more information here!!!! I hope to see you soon.

http://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-arousal-principle-and-pleasure-mapping-tickets-11734679743

A Recipe For Change

So you want to change your life? I've got the recipe for you, and it's very simple. Recipe to Change One's Life:

Directions....

1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions. Got it?

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Your Sexuality Is Your Garden, Your Will The Gardener

I meet women every day who want something more in their lives when it comes to their relationship with their own bodies. They feel shut down and turned off when it come to their own sexual selves. They describe to me a general feeling of numbness, lack of sexual desire and this feeling that someone just turned off the switch "down there". And yet they call me, because they know that deep down, their own bodies tell them there is more for them to have. The fear and excitement in that initial outreach is palpable. This letter from a 60 year old woman tells the tale: "After years of disappointing sexual experiences (thanks to disowning what I now know were my own legitimate sensual/sexual/intimacy needs, at a very young age) there is still juiciness inside me, and the possibility of satisfying, even ecstatically transcendent sensuous sexual spiritual experience (by myself, and with a partner) for the rest of what I expect will be a very long life! So sending this email is my first big risk-taking reaching-for-the-moon of 2014 (maybe even scarier than jumping out of an airplane, running a marathon, and climbing 10 mountains when I was 40)."

During our first sessions, many of the women describe to me a feeling of stomach upset and resistance - as if their genitals are saying something to them like "Leave me alone! Go away! I don't want to wake up! Why are you doing this to me?"

The fear of "reunion pain" when a woman gets to not only make peace with her genitals but finds the capacity to meet her genitals again in pleasure feels terrifying.

There can be the fear of regret which can sound like this: "I can't believe how amazing it is to finally be in touch again with my sexuality" which dissolves into tears and the lament, "Why did I wait so long?" The fear of reunion pain is real, the struggle women are facing between their own resistance and their desires for reuniting with their bodies is extraordinary. It's almost as if years of sexual rejection from partners, or messages from society, have created a place in a woman's body where her own genitals are saying; "Fine, you didn't want me when I wanted to be wanted - so now I don't want you."

The good news is that women are breaking through this wall and finding out that their bodies were just as scared as their minds. Once we move past that initial terror of; "I can't, I'm stuck, Nothing works, I'm ugly, I'm old, My hormones are a mess and nobody wants me anymore" - pleasure can happen and that changes everything.

Do you recognize yourself here? I promise you, that you are not alone.

Here are some tips for gently easing yourself back into a healthy relationship with your own sexuality:

1. Dignify your own desires: Spend some time thinking about what it is you want in your own personal relationship to your body and sexuality. Get to know what you truly desire. Write it down. Speak it to somebody such as a close friend, partner, therapist or sexuality coach. Speaking your desires can be powerful and life changing.

2. Prioritize pleasure in your life. Create a "Pleasure Plan". Start to look at even the smallest moments of choice in your life as a possibility for pleasure. Do you want that salad because you think you should have it, or because eating it will give you pleasure? Notice the pleasure choices you are making. Making pleasure a conscious choice every time you are choosing something can change your experience of even the smallest decision.

3. Activate your ability to receive. The extent to which you are able to receive pleasure and kindness in your life has a direct influence on your ability to love and feel your body. Oftentimes women are great givers, but really don't know how to receive or take for themselves. Look at where you are pushing away pleasure, kindness and support. Try saying "Yes, I would." instead of, "I'm fine."

So many woman have put fences around their sexuality garden and they may have been put there for good reason. There may have been a feeling that this part of you needed protecting and just wanted everyone including your own self to keep out. But it's possible that you are hearing this tiny voice in your head that is urging you to do something about these fences for a very good reason.

You know deep inside that there are riches to explore, and you just don't know how to get started.

Listen to the little voice. 

If your sexuality is your garden, then your will is the gardener. You are not too late.

What to Do After Reading This Article:

Please take a moment to "Like it" "Share it" and give it a Tweet! And comments are always a pleasure!

Are you curious about Pamela's "Back to the Body Retreats For Women"? Check out the website here.

Do you want to know more about Pamela's journey back to her own sexuality and healing her body when she put her big toe into the mid-life? Read "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner" (Rodale, 2011).

 

 

 

 

A Year of Pleasure: Do You Have a Pleasure Plan?

It's an interesting question, isn't it? I spend hours everyday "channeling the Goddess" in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a "Pleasure Plan" and often that means reaching out of the box! How do we feed ourselves pleasure? Perhaps it's not the story book romance that we thought we would have in our lives. Or our marriage beds have cooled, or there isn't a partner at all. Or maybe we just want something more or different? What then? Do we simply crumble and find ourselves in a very long season of discontent? Screw that. Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own "Year of Pleasures". Start a journal about it. Blog it here in the community. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

I am dedicated to living a life filled with pleasure, and I love to inspire pleasure appreciation in others. It's my work, and it's my passion. Pleasure is my creative rocket fuel for all the parts of my life - and it can be yours too.

It's okay to go digging in your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure.  January1st is just around the corner. Why not begin to plan for a new kind of New Year's Resolution? How about declaring your own "Year of Pleasure"?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing a coaching series with me! The Queen of Pleasure! Let me help you tap into what you want, and let figure out how to get it. Learn about Coaching with "The Pleasure Doula" here!

2. Layout your calender and your finances!Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a "Pleasure Retreat". I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn't have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! If you are a woman - consider joining me, Will and Ron at our winter "Back to The Body - A Sensuous Retreat For Women" limited to only six women! The timing is perfect for a New Year's Kick off for a year of pleasure or an early Valentine's gift to yourself.

5. Consider a private retreat with a hands on practitioner, and go on your own Shameless Journey......and yes.....of course I can help you there too! Don't know what I am talking about?

Read my book! Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner!

Face your life, and look to your desires, leave no path untaken.

The point is to make a plan. These are some ideas to get you started, and an offer of help.

Wanna talk about a Pleasure Plan? Send an email to Pamela@beingshameless.com and we can set up a free consultation.

Loving you from here.....

Pamela

Can You Dare To Eat?

Can you feel your hunger? I am so sick of diets. And I don't mean food restriction diets either. There are so many different kinds of diets that we are either put on, or put ourselves on. There are financial diets (we call them budgets), There are sexual diets (often we are put on these by partners who cannot meet us erotically, or by our own stubbornness in not being willing to get to know our own bodies and feed ourselves), there are emotional diets (where we settle for "emotional crumbs" given out by friends, lovers and ourselves when love is parceled out in tiny bits and pieces - often just enough for us to "stay in") and then there are food diets where we restrict according to the latest information about how to be oh so beautiful.

Damn, I could go on and on - because I have been on every diet known to mankind. And if I wasn't on a diet, I was numbing my desire out with food addiction or shopping. Anything not to feel the absolute need in my body for things that I felt were not for me, or just out of reach. And then I had to stop the addiction, because there was no choice. My eating disorder had to go, and in it's place came lots and lots of big powerful feelings.

In the Shameless Community right now, so many of our close to 700 members are writing about our own re-birthing process out of numbness into being fully erotic creatures again. The blogs are raw, sexy and stunning, and they inspired me to write this blog!

No matter how far we are into this journey - it is an always process. I believe if you think you have arrived, you probably have gone back to numbing again in some way. We are always growing and changing - we are always in some stage of growing into and out of our skin).

The good news is that there are plateaus of coming home to yourself where you just get to roll around in the sheer joy of it all. And sometimes the process of getting back truly into our bodies is full of incredible pleasure and unbounded playful self discovery.

I would love to invite you to take a minute and be still. Allow yourself to feel the hunger of desire in your beautiful body and then close your eyes and ask yourself two questions:

1. What do you want?

2. What is getting in your way?

You may need to ask this question of yourself ten times for each question! Write down your responses. These are deep soul questions. And then look at the "diets" you have put yourself on. Are you ready to eat?

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Harnessing The Power of Pleasure: The Joy of One Way Touch and a Hamburger!

Sometimes I have to be reminded to practice what I preach - and that means - keeping the little voices at bay that whisper not so sweet nothings into my ear.  My self sabotaging voices usually have to do with my body - or my ability to create the future that I want.  Even I need to be reminded to do what I  tell others to do - and that is to stay in each moment - and make time to get inside my body and turn my brain off.  For me - the most effective way to get inside my body is through one way touch. Literally surrendering on the massage table and allowing my body to open to pleasure and sensation.  Feeling hands on my body reminds me that I am beautiful and full of pleasure.  The dance between the massage therapist and my body - hand on skin - draws all of my attention inside to the feelings of sensation and magically takes away my chronic "monkey brain" that is always worrying about the next thing that I have to do.

I was feeling pretty burned out - it's fabulous, fun, and exciting to launch "Shameless" into the world - and I have been on a marathon - until January 18th - the publication date - I am also still working full time in fertility (something that will always be a part of me) so that means that every waking hour is devoted to something! A dear friend and mentor spoke to me and said "Pamela - this is not the time to forget what changed your life! You need touch! Get thee to a massage table - and out of that bag of pretzels!" Oh - I did what everyone does - I whined about not having the time or the money - but reached out anyway to the people in my life that support me. And after a few starts and stops - the beautiful and incredible massage therapist  John Ellsworth created time for me to climb on his table.

It's about receiving - and knowing that the person who is giving is also receiving - and there is nothing to do but be in my own body - feel my own breath - and move into his hands.  The other day I wrote about this study on my Shameless Woman blog over at  Psychology Today that I heard on  The Today Show during their hour long special on sex. The study that was cited was all about how over 80% of all women and over 70% of all men want to be tied up.  This does not surprise me.  They want to be "forced" to receive - "forced" to surrender to pleasure because so many people feel that they always have to give back - always have to "do" in some way - and knowing how to simply receive pleasure is something that is so completely foreign to us - that we want the ropes to enforce the boundary on reminding us to simply receive.  Of course - ropes can feel sexy too! And having the rope on our skin may be it's own turn -on.  I am just talking about a deeper place of meaning in this blog that the ropes can represent for people.

As for me - I don't need ropes anymore to encourage me to receive touch.  I just need a gentle or not so gentle reminder from my friends that I too need to create the time just to receive - and for me the massage table is just the thing.  For 90 minutes I went away - and when I came back - John pointed me in the direction of a wonderful little bar to get a hamburger and a martini. A real treat for me.  I walked around the corner - how I got there I am really not sure as I was still a bit punch drunk from all that fabulous touch - and sat down at a table for one.

It was good to be alone. I am sure that I was a sight! With a brand new hair do created by  massage oil and John's hands - and my slightly glazed over eyes - I was thankful that they seated me! I order my martini as I watched plates of salad go by. No - I wasn't going to have salad. I ordered a hamburger with french fries. Something that I would never do - it's a big scandalous for a chubby girl to eat so freely - especially in public. But I did.  I sipped - I day dreamed and I ate that hamburger - bun and all - down to the last crumb.

I sang all the way home my own little mantra - thank you - thank you - thank you!!! Ah the healing power of pleasure - I really need to harness it a bit more often!

Saving Room For Dessert...

At Thanksgiving  last year my mother read a story about my Great Aunt Pearl, I am named for her.  Aunt Pearl was a bit of a shameless renegade goddess herself! In the 1920's she ran a bookie sheet, wore great hats...and cooked silver dollar pancakes for all the kids in the neighborhood in a pinch. My kind of woman! This Great Aunt of mine - this namesake....always reminded the children not to finish all their dinner - "Save room for dessert"! Was her favorite saying.... Saving room for dessert can mean so many things!  It doesn't always mean a Red Velvet cupcake or a slice of coconut cake! It can be about creating the time and energy for taking a long delicious walk, reading a book, or making love. It's all about what dessert is for you! Maybe you have always wanted to go for a balloon ride - but there was never enough time or money. For me - it's about going to San Francisco these days - to spend time with my incredible friends there.  And I have to save room in all parts of my life - to have that. It's intentional to save the time, the money - and create the room for my jaunts across the country. But it feeds my soul -  it's just for me - and so I save room no matter what - to have it!

It's all about being able to live fully.  Giving yourself permission to have pleasure that is just for you. No excuses. No justifications. When we allow ourselves to have the freedom to make room for what is yummy in our lives - sometimes we end up stretching our selves in ways we could never have imagined.   Dr. Christiane Northrup has said "Pleasure is a life changer!" Amen sistah!

Learning how to allow myself pleasure in all it's forms has certainly changed mine.

It's Friday - the weekend is looming! Can you save some room for dessert this weekend? I bet it will be delicious.