mid life

Why You Want to Date An 'Ageless Goddess'

Dr. Christiane Northrup in her newest book, "Goddesses Never Age" has coined the phrase "Ageless Goddess".  I love it. And trust me, if you are past the age of wanting babies, raising a family and settling down - you might want to explore dating a woman 'of a certain age' because so is she.  A woman over 50 has a new list of priorities; and she is won't waste your time.  By mid life, a woman knows what she is seeking in a lover; and she is either in or she is out. What You Need to Know About Dating an Ageless Goddess

1. An Ageless Goddess won't waste your time.  They are either in or they're out.

2.  An Ageless Goddess knows what we want and know how to communicate those desires. If the holes in their head don't fit the horns on yours - you will know pretty fast.

3. Older women are seasoned; and they won't dump you at the first sign of trouble.

4. We don't have an endless list of needs. Our requirements have shortened since our 20's. We may not be looking for marriage, a picket fence or even your paycheck. We have most of that figured out. But if you want to take us to dinner and dancing: we are open. Women of "Of a Certain Age" are looking for a 'pleasure partner'.

5.  An Ageless Goddess isn't so worried about your bald head (in fact she very likely might find it HOT), or your soft belly. In fact your imperfections may be a relief. She can take off her spandex. 6. She is less concerned about your erection than your ability to give her pleasure and attention. You can relax. An Ageless Goddess has a curiosity about life, pleasure and sexuality that is fresh and emerging.  She may very well be more open and ready to explore sexuality in many different ways.  She may be the perfect partner to explore you darker desires with, or erotic massage.  An Ageless Goddess is ready to let go of societal expectations but who she is suppose to be, and how she should express herself. Got a fantasy? Tell it to her. An Ageless Goddess may be very open to exploring lots of different scenarios that go way beyond mechanics.  How do you want to express intimacy? She is ready. An Ageless Goddess has a kind of freedom that she may not have had in her 20's and 30's.  She has a 'pick up and go' ability that she might not have enjoyed in the days of building a career or family and she is ready to play.  Are you?

The Wisdom of Embracing Our "Inconvenient Woman"

I know this woman as I meet her every day in my sexuality coaching practice or at my retreats. She is a woman who is successful by most measures in every part of her life, yet she  feels so frozen in her body that she can no longer feel herself. Her sexuality feels numb and when she talks about her desires and passions, it's said with a shyness as if talking about some kind of dream.  Or her voice shakes with a strong anger of being completely done with how she has been living up until this point.  Whether the voice is soft or strident; there is a part of her that  knows that her fantasy can become reality, but for now it feels out of reach. There is a time in a woman's life -  usually in mid-life, when a woman has to make a decision. And I believe that his decision may possibly the most important  decision of her future life.  Will she live the second half of her life as a convenient and bitter woman, or as an alive and inconvenient women?

Some women come to this place in their late thirties or forties - but by the time women turn 50 there is a fierceness to this desire to reemerge and create a new way of being in the world and in their bodies.

I gave up being an convenient woman in my forties, and it's impossible to go back. The woman who not only understands the rules but follows them.  But if you were raising children, climbing the corporate ladder,  walking dogs, and running the PTA - it could have felt really important to follow the rules.  But then it happens. That place in our lives where we are so filled up with what has been expected of us and not what we may actually need for our very own soul that we get pissed off and exhausted that all we do is routine. There is no energy for anything else.

What we thought might have been how were were going to live our lives may be nothing more than a crumbled paper in the back of a shoe box.  As women who have lived full lives up until mid life we may have accumulated a few broken hearts,  failed marriages and more than a handful of lost promises.

It's time to take a breath and look around.

It's time for a rebellion.

In mid life we are  still young enough to recreate our lives.  For many of us, the kids are grown or almost grown. Or we have moved on from the biological clock imperative.  Our parents may not need us fully yet in care taking mode and it's possible that we no longer have a dog that needs walking or a husband who needs dinner on the table.  And if we do, the expectations can now shift.

Personally, At 50, my "give a shit" has run out. I am drawn to a life and love where I disturb the status normal. I gravitate to what pulls me.  If there is no pull, no direction, no hunger,  I find that I lose interest.  Mid life brings with it the possibility of a brand new life if only you are willing. It can be a time of using up what is in our box before we go to our boxes.  It can be a time to explore the parts of yourself that you have put on the shelf.

And yes, I know you are not quite ready yet. Well, guess what? We all begin the process before we are ready.  I do not know woman who thought that they were strong enough, or knew enough, or had enough time or money before she began her journey to her own inconvenient woman.

It all starts with a feeling inside of us.  Call it "Restless Leg Syndrome", a tickle in our noses or an inability to sleep. It's not Peri-menopause, it's the call within us to break out  of the lives we are currently living in some way.

You do not have to know how to read the map in order to get up and change your life.  No one starts their journey into their inconvenient woman knowing all the answers.  And I know the story; you are not ready yet but you will be soon. I know you need time before you go off to live your big dream, but this only works for a short while. No one is ever ready and there will never be a right time.

At some point each convenient woman needs to simply jump into the land of being an inconvenient woman. You know the one; the one that does not show up at Thanksgiving this year because she is riding her RV through the country, dancing tango in Spain, or embracing her mid life sex Goddess in Tuscany this year.

It happens all the time.

I may be mad, but I will never again be convenient.

4 Tips On How To Be a Mid Life Sex Goddess Without Tripping on Stilettos

I only recently became a full fledged, card carrying Sex Goddess.  It's a new role for me in life -- and I began my transformation in my early forties.  And now that I am 50, it's off the charts. Oh -- and I am "curvy" -- and stand about 5 feet-three inches tall. What? You don't think I am Sex Goddess material? Well, guess again. And you can be one too. Because it really doesn't have a thing to with "natural beauty" or long legs -- Sex Goddesses are often awakened -- and they can come in some pretty surprising packages. So how do you get there, you might ask? The first thing to do is clean house and get rid of all the self loathing talk. You know what I am talking about -- all those hateful remarks that you say to yourself when you think that nobody is looking. And what about those swipes that we take at ourselves out loud with self deprecating humor? No more "Yeah, well if I looked like her -- maybe!" Or "Whose looking at me anyway?" I am so done with it. It's out of here -- how about you? A Sex Goddess would never, ever say those things about herself. So stop it , and stop your girlfriends when they start doing it, because you know they will. It's a bad influence on your Sex Goddessness.

Clean out the painful stories that we tell ourselves about our bodies and our self worth. The single most important thing that I have learned on my way to becoming a Sex Goddess is that we can't get where we are going unless we are not only grounded in our bodies, but in a place of loving ourselves from the inside out.

I have an ongoing personal "hate my body" garage sale, and you know what? I still have items that need to get off the shelf and out the door. The barrage of incoming data of why I should be dissatisfied with myself is constant, and trust me, the negative messages do creep in. It is like the dust on my furniture -- no matter how much I clean, if I am not constantly vigilant it covers everything again.

None of this is new for any of us. In my case, body image issues have haunted me my entire life. I am an expert on making my backside the butt of most jokes. Oh yeah, I am funny. But I am really hurting myself every time I crack a joke about my body. Learning to love myself was something that was hard for me to do. It didn't matter what I had "accomplished" -- none of that mattered. Deep inside I was wounded as a feminine being. Is any of this familiar to you? Come on, I know that you have most likely read much of this stuff before -- you know what I am talking about, just like you know how you take your tea or coffee. We have all heard it before (was it Oprah?), on how all of us women share this great big collective consciousness filled with a legacy of apologizing for ourselves -- and our actions. We know that somehow, without our consent or even our knowledge -- we have somehow been shaped as sexual beings through the sexual ideals of whatever men thought we should be. One year we are Madonnas the next year we are Cougars.

Really?

I don't know about you, but I am ready for all of us to have one great big collective consciousness garage sale! Let's get rid of the junk! Do we really have to carry this around with us any longer? It is all so last century -- or was it the century before that?

How about turning that old tired place of disconnection from our bodies to being in a place of self loving, self healing and sexy self empowerment? Yeah, I know that you have probably heard something like that before. But hang in there with me.

This is not a make over. We are already here. I am going to be talking about creating a more sensual you. I want to introduce you to what I think are some basic foundation exercises that I used to get myself into those stilettos. I know at first you will not want to do them, but after a month or so of these exercises they will turn into practices. You will simply start to incorporate exercises into your life where ever you are -- you will figure it out!

We are starting from the inside out. Because sexy is as sexy feels! And you can create that new place in your life of having a swish to your hips and a kick to your steps. So check my little list of recommendations, and then try them on again, and again, and again. Who knows what will shift in your life?

1. Take five minutes and get naked alone. That's right. Clear out the house so that you feel safe if you don't have a private place in your home. Get naked and get comfortable. Put on some music if that helps. Don't worry -- I am not asking you to look yet! I am asking you to simply feel your body. You should be somewhere comfortable -- your bed or even a warm bath. Close your eyes and empty your mind. Let your hands wander over your entire body. Feel how beautiful your hair is. Let your hands run over your curves, your breasts, your hips. Pay attention to your body, the texture of your skin. If your own touch is giving you pleasure, you get extra bonus points! Sigh into that feeling of pleasure. Feel your breath. Feel the pleasure that your body can give you just the way it is right now through your own hands. Take the time to feel your body in a conscious way.

Now comes the part that may be harder for some of us than others: tell your body kind things. Give your body compliments. It's okay if you don't quite believe them yet. Just do it. You could thank your body for being so brave trying to get pregnant, giving birth, running that marathon or even getting up this morning and facing the day! You can admire how beautiful the curve of your bottom feels in your hand. Tell your breasts that they are fabulous -- admire your arms and the dimple in your cheek. You get the idea. You can do this -- free form, your own way -- five minutes every day for a month. All your parts.

Find the time and see what shifts for you in your life. After a month passes, do this exercise whenever you think about it. That is what I mean about turning it into a practice. After a while you will begin to do this on your own without much thought. You may find yourself doing this in bed when you wake up or as you fall asleep. Either way, it is a great way to start or end the day. My favorite time is while soaping up in the shower!

2. Go on, take a peek -- it's mirror time! And yes, this involves nudity. Now I have to be honest -- this was and still is a tough one for me. For me, it is easier to feel than to look. But trust me, this does get easier.

Once again, you need privacy and five whole minutes. Once you cleared out the private space and time, stand naked in front of a full length mirror and look. Start at your face and work your way down. You can use your eyes and your hands -- whatever is comfortable to you. Once again, it is time to tell your body kind things. Are your eyes a beautiful color? Then say it. Tell you body loving things. The compliments can be about performance, physical appearance -- whatever comes to mind. But I want you to focus on how your body pleases you and gives you pleasure. Remember you can do this! And it's only five minutes. I started this practice three years ago. I started with five minutes every day -- just like the "feeling" practice. I still do both exercises every week. Remember the dust? It gathers!

3. Take a look at the different images of feminine beauty throughout the ages. Allow yourself to feel the sensuality of different body types. I am round and curvy. I love looking at the images of women during the time of ancient Rome. Take a walk in a museum and take a look at images of female beauty through out the ages. I love the images of the Goddesses painted on the ceilings of cathedrals. If I squint my eyes really, really hard, they kind of look like me! Perhaps you are tall, thin and small breasted? Pick up a fashion magazine and take yourself in. Allow yourself to expand your own perception of female body.

4. Go shopping. Your assignment? Buy some sexy underwear! That's right -- and this is for you. You are not buying for anybody else. What can you wear to work, shopping, or even to a PTA meeting that will make you walk with that special knowledge that you are a hot thing? Is it pull up black stockings? A rhinestone bra? Go get it -- and put it on. You will be surprised how good it can make you feel.

5. Do something different. Create a pleasure plan.  Go on an adventure. Use up what is in your box before you take it to your box!

I hope that you try some of these idea on. I hope that I can inspire you -- and if I see a sexy lady on the street that has a smile behind her eyes, I will wonder if it is you.

The Season Of Your Discontent

I know that feeling. It's the "Season of Your Discontent" and it can feel like anxiety or restlessness, or sadness, or even depression. And here is the thing: If you don't change directions, you are going to end up where you're headed. And you might really love where you are going and you might really be more than fine with where you land. And you might stay in that season of discontent for a really long time. I'm not sure when it hits. And I think it hits at different times for different people.

It's that feeling of being restless, annoyed, bored, just a little pissed off all the time, and being full of feelings we just can't name. And some of "the restless" are too scared to change direction; they are stuck like a sailboat caught in "irons". They can't move, but they are right on course.

Dear Restless, this blog is for you. I believe that if you stay on the course you are on, you will go from numb to bitter to destroyed.

But here's the deal, if you find it within yourself to do something different something will change. And I can pretty much nail the outcome for you.

You will awaken. And trust me, there is nothing like "awakening".

I know - awakening sounds incredibly sexy, messy and scary to some people. Let's face it. This may mean letting go of a lot of our stories. The biggest one that might need to go first - is letting go of our hunger for approval.

You may actually need to say "No", and we are going to do things my way for a change. You might need to "spend" time on yourself. You may need to do something completely out of the box that you might not even want anyone to know about. You may need to actually spend money, find baby sitters for your children or care takers for your parents, or tell your partner that you are taking off for a bit.

What if there was pleasure outside of the pleasure of pleasing and "getting it right"?

Whoa! I get it - you might face some pretty annoyed folks who are used to you playing just the same way you have always played. And if you are anything at all like me, you hate getting it wrong, being rejected, judged or criticized. I have been a people pleasing addict for most of my life. It hurts me more than anything to feel like I have failed someone. But you are giving away your creative and spiritual life in order to be "Liked" and "Respected".

And what about failing yourself? How alive, awake, turned on are you willing to be? All I know is that life is going by very fast these days. Maybe it always was. But I am feeling it more and more.

I think it might be time for all of us to change direction. It's time to get serious about what we really want in our lives. What about pleasure, joy, a feeling of true accomplishment about something you really care about? Is it time to shift your perspective and perhaps your priorities?

Please don't tell me that now is not the time, but you are going to do "This" soon. That you really want "This". But you have to save more money, or the time is not right, or you are too fat, or too old, or too stuck and nothing ever works anyway.

It's time to experiment with radical imagination and live your great big sexy life. Go on, create a" title "Pleasure Plan" and get someone on your team. If that's not me, then get someone else. But get yourself an professional cheerleader, mess maker, advocate and ball breaker! Someone who will laugh with you when you fall on your butt and clap for you when you get up. Someone who will pull you by your resistant ankles who you will kiss on the mouth later!

But do something. I promise you this; if you don't get some crazy ass new stuff on your calender you will stay on the same course. Really. I know. If you need to justify this - I promise you that your work will get better. You will be more creative and more abundant. You will look more beautiful without doing a thing. Life will start paying attention to you in ways you just can't imagine.

And if you make a great big fucking mistake - does it really matter? Trust me, the purple will wash out of your hair!

It's Time to Get Creative! June is Adult Sex Education Month!

You're not in middle school anymore when sex education was all about learning  about the birds and the bees. Maybe in high school you got a lesson about how to handle a condom, or how to say "No".  The fact is that you are not a kid anymore,  and what could be a better time than an entire month dedicated to learning about being a "grown up" and learning about getting creative in the bedroom. What could be a better time to get started trying something new than an entire month dedicated to Adult Sex Education!

#AdultSexEdMonth is the brain child of  originator of A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind (http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com).

How smart is she? And  how do you get started? Believe it or not, one of the best ways is to practice being sexual!

One of the more challenging things for many people when it comes to sex is to find what really turns them on after having removed all of their shame and judgment. The next big step is to then state their desires out loud to themselves and to their intimate partners. It is easier said than done, because it requires time, patience and dedication.

Recently, one of my sex coaching clients Vicky, started our session by exclaiming “Holy shit. I think it's actually revolutionary what I'm doing. I am practicing being sexual. I can now actually use the word “sex” without feeling self-conscious or guilty. I am finding my sexual voice. And damn, it does take practice!”

Vicky has been practicing what is often referred to as “Orgasmic Yoga” which, in reality, is not about yoga or orgasms! It's really just another name for developing a core erotic practice.

She has been on a 30 day practice schedule of working solo with her own body; exploring it on a physical and emotional level. Orgasmic Yoga is a pleasurable, intimate and trans-formative discipline that is practiced while sexually aroused. The goal is to develop or reclaim erotic capacities. Some individuals practice it to reawaken the awesome feelings in their body., others to discover it for the first time.

Taking the time to participate in a mindful, planned solo erotic practice allows the individual to focus on what is substantial in their sexuality rather than what is superficial.

Vicky has also been working to identify her peak erotic experiences in order to understand what gives her authentic sexual pleasure. The desired result is to giver herself the ability to better communicate her sexual needs to herself and to her partner. This takes guts, and it takes time. It can feel like a radical step to actually practice being sexual. But Vicky, like the countless women and men that I work with, have decided they really want to own their own sexuality; that it's their time.

From Vicky:

“I attended a music workshop recently where we explored the idea of stepping out and dipping our toes into fear. This was about trying on new ways to use our voices, and about performing. It was all new to me, for I am not a performer at all, and while I sing in a community choir, I sing very quietly. I enjoy learning and I feel safe as long as I am surrounded by a group of stronger singers. I imagined the choir as my comfort zone, where I could participate without having to step out into the fear of performing solo.

"But this is not really a comfort zone at all, as I learned during the workshop. My comfort zone is what I know and explore about my own voice. What can it do? What is its range? Where is the heart of the music I love? The only way to discover it is through practice. And more practice. The comfort zone is here, in my own voice. And once I know my own voice, then I can step out into the unknown, fearful places where I can challenge myself to change and expand and share my voice with others.

"It was in choir that I made the connection between our sex coaching and choir.

"I had always thought that my sexual comfort zone was a very confined space, where I would not be challenged, where my partner would be 'fine' with the status quo of our intimate life. I thought the best I could ever hope for was to somehow get better at it, so I could please him better. I thought I wanted the comprehensive 'how-to' manual, but even if there was such a thing, I was too embarrassed and shy to look at it.

"But that's not the comfort zone, is it? What I am learning is that it starts with me. I get to discover my own self as a sexual being, finally, in my mid-fifties! I have to learn to name what my own heart and mind and body want. I need to discover for the first time how sex works for me. I need to come to my senses. It's a bit of a paradox. It's scary to be discovering my own comfort zone. And if this is scary, what will it be like to step out of it?”

A Beginners Guide to Orgasmic Yoga Practice:

From Joseph Kramer, Ph.D, Founder of Orgasmic Yoga: “At it's core Orgasmic Yoga invites embodied, mindful self-accountability. The self-directed practice sessions involve breathing, savoring, sound, movement, touch, placement of attention, and awareness of intention.

"Erotic practice sessions weave together the heart and genitals. This alone is a profound reason to commit to practice. Orgasmic Yoga often produces a state of arousal that is free of fantasy, unfinished emotional business, religious dogma, cultural caveats and habitual sexual behaviors. In this erotic trance state, an individual becomes aware of the body as a source of wisdom, happiness and freedom. Thus, the intent of Orgasmic Yoga practice is the practice”.

Every Orgasmic Yoga session includes the following:

  1. A statement of intention(s) at the beginning.
  2. A clear beginning and ending time.
  3. A session structure, outline or choreography.
  4. One or more minutes of Kegels.
  5. Conscious breathing patterns.
  6. Movement, stretching, and/or dancing.
  7. Sounds, moans and laughter.
  8. Quiet for the last five minutes of each session.
  9. Reflection and note-taking after each session.
  10. Full body self touch including genitals

Optional:

  1. Use of toys or vibrators
  2. Specially Chosen Music

“An integral part of Orgasmic Yoga is to savor and reflect upon the experience after you have completed each day’s practice. It is crucial that you rest quietly for at least five minutes at the end of your session, to simply be and breathe. We suggest that you then reflect on your experience in a journal or with a friend or lover” says Joseph Kramer .

Clearing the space in your life to learn your own sexual voice  can change how you understand, express and enjoy your sexualty. It can also enliven your sexual expression  with your loved ones. It's one of the gifts that you can give yourself.

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Do you want to know more about Pamela and her "Back to The Body Retreat's For Couple's and Women? Visit here.

Attention NYC Area Women: Join me on June 11th for The Arousal Principle and Pleasure Mapping!

NYC Area Women! Join me in person, on June 11th for some inspiration, expansion, and perhaps even a little transformation! As a sexuality and intimacy coach I place an extraordinary amount of attention on arousal (not orgasm) as life force energy. "The Arousal Principal" as I like to call it, is a way of considering this energetic state which is the noticeable rise of sensual energy in the body starting in our genitals as a doorway to fuel all of your creative activities not just the full expression of your sexuality. Arousal energy can fuel your writing, art, gardening, relationships, or any other aspect of your life including your relationship with money! And like anything else, you need to spend time exploring and experimenting with this state in your own life to see it's unique potential for you.

Many people describe the feeling as heat, warming, or tingling. A great way to start is to begin to use this delicious state to fuel your meditation practice as well as considering this energetic state as a place to explore your sexual nature on your way to deepened your relationship with your own fully expressed erotic creature.

During this three hour workshop, we will explore female arousal energy in meditation practice, and then create our own "Pleasure Plan" through Pleasure and Sexuality Mapping. You will be creating a map to take home with you.

Buy tickets and get more information here!!!! I hope to see you soon.

http://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-arousal-principle-and-pleasure-mapping-tickets-11734679743

Relentless

Recently one of my clients called me "Relentless" as I held on to her ankles (virtually through Skype) as she struggled to make a big decision about moving forward in her journey.  She was scared of making the leap from thinking to doing. I’m experienced in that  and I was hanging in there to support her in her leap into open and integrated sexuality without life-threatening injuries. I wanted her courage so badly for her because I got exactly where she was in her life and I knew what was possible. I wanted that so badly for her that I was willing to be "Relentless".

I know how painful the body-less life can be because I spent so many years as a head. I was a beautiful head, but I was just a head.

The truth is there’s a better than even chance we’re more alike than not.

Dark hungers and darker fantasies? Got ‘em. Feeling weird even admitting them? Been there. Worried about feeling like a freak? Well, I survived those moments, too, and I’m here to tell you there’s nothing freakish about it.

The ultimate goal is to  free all of that up, and reconnect the body with your brain.

I not only teaching women to recognize arousal, help them look at it without shame and take progressive steps to begin the work of self-acceptance and embodiment.  I lead women on an exploration of their own true natures and helps them use sensual pleasure to heal the typical array of issues that afflict most of us. I mean everything from body dysmorphia, eating disorders, erratic sexual desire and general crankiness.

I connect them with resources and opportunities to take it even further.

I encourage women to tune into their bodies and sensations with "sex games" that they can play on their own in private or with a partner.  I show women through my own adventures, that it’s a fun trip worth taking.  

I get it. What I preach and teach defies easy categorization. I blend my education, personal experiences and share real life vignettes that can take women out of the world of sex how to books to a brand new relationship with their bodies and the world.

My purpose in the world is to leave breadcrumbs for women to follow on their own road to sexual wholeness. What I teach, embody, and cheer lead is unique to me.

I’ve spent thousands of dollars on unconventional sex ed--from countless sacred sexuality workshops to private sessions with sexual healers. My underground education ignited such liberating changes in the rest of my life, that I couldn't keep all of this a secret. My job is now to responsibly show other women what is possible when they let go and look at their sexuality in a brand new light.  

When women take a bite out of my offerings whether it is one on one coaching, or a Back to The Body Retreat, a VIP Day, Private Retreat or even just reading my book Shameless; I am offering women the insight and skills to love themselves just as they are. I want to help women shed the fear of their own desire and to be open to pleasure, things we’re not conditioned to do.

It's not about quid pro quos, no have-tos, no 365 positions to memorize to please your partner and get off. What I believe in is  the antithesis of the orgasm Olympics book. This is a one-of-a-kind work devoted to the concept of sensual pleasure as a transformational, healing tool.  

I know that denying desire comes at a cost to everyone –our partners, our families, even our career peers. I also know that losing the shackles of sexual shame, unabashedly grabbing erotic pleasure with both hands and integrating the sexual self can make any woman happier in the body she’s in.  No raw foods, fiber drinks, exercise programs or cleanses. And who in their right mind doesn’t want to be a happier woman?  Or be around one? Just ask my husband.

My desire is to safely shepherd women into the wilds of desire and throw open the door on the vast universe of diverse pleasures.  With empathy and a wink that can only come from someone who’s walked in their Birkenstocks (and traded them in for thigh-high leather boots), I’ll show each woman who comes across my path how to befriend her body, unearth her erotic self and welcome her in. It’s possible to have true pleasure in all spheres of their lives.

People seem to be starving for my particular brand of good-natured, open sexual plain speaking. Right now, it’s hard to find information that goes past the superficial without plunging right into scary. Women excited by the idea of sensual spanking, for instance, may find a beginner’s piece or two. But further investigation often takes them on a hair-pin turn directly to a dungeon and a flogging post. Too much, too fast and too alarming for a novice.  By contrast, I offer them ways to express their desires one safe step at a time. I gleefully and sensibly fill the yawning information gap.

I’m willing to take controversial stands. I propose that extended pleasure and the Organic Orgasm are more intriguing than female ejaculation and the g spot. I suggest that we’re so performance driven that we’re all suffering, needlessly, from orgasm anxiety. 

Here's what true. We all have our season of sexual discontent. We all have those seasons and they’re unpredictable. It’s a bit like climate change. For some the wintry itch erupts between boyfriends. For others there’s chill that hits in the middle of a pre-nup negotiation. Some get triggered during a marriage, after the kids have grown, post- divorce, the onset of peri-menopause and beyond.  

Basically, women struggle with this all the time. Why? The answer is complex but it boils down to the fact that our sexuality has been severed from the rest of who we are. That vital life force has been sanitized, shrink-wrapped and buried like pirate’s booty. Instead of the bracing zest of feminine erotic desire, we watch the Photo Shopped blemish-free girls get to play. They’re the entitled ones. They don’t look anything like most of us do when we catch our own reflections. The message? We, the ordinary mortals, aren’t deserving of pleasure. Not unless we lose weight, get that job or finish that project. Pleasure is constantly receding on the horizon of our own self-loathing. Self-denial is epidemic.

I am relentless about breaking this down. And I will hand Sleeping Beauty her first Red Bull.  And I don't mind if you call me "Relentless".

 

A Recipe For Change

So you want to change your life? I've got the recipe for you, and it's very simple. Recipe to Change One's Life:

Directions....

1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions. Got it?

Loving you from here,

Pamela

Re-Inventing Yourself Again

I think it has finally happened. I am in firmly in my second adult hood. I am not who I was, only older. I am approaching a new frontier in my own life with new ideas and responses. My priorities are changing. What about you? Here are a few of the tell tale signs that you are about to shed a skin and reinvent yourself again:

* an impulsive decision to do something out of character

*a willingness to take a calculated risk into the unknown

*a determination to make contact with ones' authentic self and tap into the true passion there

*a desire to become a source of truth about life for the next generation

*the delicious freedom of looking the latest expectation in a life time of expectation in the eye and saying "not me, Not now!"

Do you feel the twitch? Perhaps that is why you are here, in this community. Answering the question "What is next?" is challenging. You might not draw on your past experiences. What was, may no longer fit all. As the journey goes forward you may need to get to know this new persona a little bit. Welcome your new outlook, new confidence, new dreams. We are not programmed to fade away. As we move into this place of reinventing ourselves, we might find that we are better suited to new challenges than we ever were in the past. As you move forward in your new explorations, this unfamiliar persona, this mischievous Tinkerbell at our ear, matures into the voice we count on most. It gets stronger, more authoritative , more philosophical, more courageous.

People reinventing themselves, in their second adult hood are different than anyone else. They tell the truth.

Listen to your voice.

Loving you from here,

Pamela