back to the body retreats

200 Shameless Women Share About Sexological Body Work

Sometimes, it feels like I am leading a movement. It's about women reclaiming their bodies or perhaps even finding their bodies for the first time through non judgmental full body touch. I have worked side by side with "Sexological Body Workers", "Somatic Sex Educators, or "Hands on Sex Therapists/Practitioners for over ten years now, and through Back to The Body for close to three years since the publication of my book; "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner" (Rodale 2011).   Since that time, over 200 women has passed through me whether it has been through coaching, private retreats, or Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women.  I have held their hands, processed their experiences with them before and after their hands on sessions, and I have kept in contact with many long after they have moved onto other things.

I knew when I shared my story that I was sharing something big for women.  I knew that when we learn through pleasure, that big things can change in our lives. How we feel about our bodies, our relationship with food, addiction,  our interpersonal relationships, and our potential in the world. I knew, because  I did it. And what I am finding out by supporting other women to do this work over the past three years in a very intensive way, is that it is the same for most of them too.  And I want to share our lessons from the massage table. I want to share, because I want to inspire our women too. Our arousal is our internal pharmacy and we can access it through touch.

Lessons Learned:

1. Being held in complete attention and presence from another being while being naked and receiving touch was perhaps the most healing aspect of this experience for almost all of the women.  Somehow, we don't get that in our "regular" lives.  I can't explain why women don't feel totally seen by lovers and husbands, but when a practitioner is totally focused on you for 90 minutes (or for as long as you create your session), and you do not have to be focused on your partner, lover, husband - it creates a space for you to simply receive attention - and that has created huge healing opportunities for almost every woman I have spoken to.

2. Learning to love our bodies through the pleasure of touch. As one woman put it recently, "When he put his hand on my thigh and I experienced my thigh as being full of pleasure instead of fat and ugly - it was a huge relief." When we are able to feel our bodies in pleasure instead of judgement it can create a change in how we see and feel our own bodies. Women with eating disorders have found incredible healing in their body distortion issues by closing their eyes and simply feeling their bodies through touch.

3. Women have reported their first orgasms and feelings of arousal for the first time. Many women can't ask for what they want erotically because they don't know what is possible. By working with someone that is educated in touching a woman's body, women are learning what feels good to them. They simply don't know what they don't know! And once they do know, they are able to bring that learning back into their lives and to their lovers.

4. Women have reported that doing this work has helped them understand their desires and their own personal boundaries in a new way. With coaching and hands on work, they are becoming stronger and more able to speak their desires, and their own boundaries. This shift has rocked open their worlds.

5. Woman have reported a tremendous expansion in what they see has possible in their own lives on every level after spending time doing somatic sex therapy. They have reported feeling more courageous, self confident and willing to take risks when it comes to their jobs and even creating more financial abundance.

6. Women have reported that they finally understand how to open, and surrender to touch and to their own hearts. On the table women are able to practice vulnerability and being open in a safe way - where there is no judgement and where they know they will be held. The experience of finally letting go can change them forever.

And here is what is true. Very few women get what they want in a single session. In a single session most of the women can see what is possible. But what I tell women is to give us a year. Start the dialog with your own body, and stay with it for one year - and see what happens.  Time on the table is a practice.

It can take a season for a bulb to grow a stem, then a bud. The bud can often open over a few days. You need to be patient for the gorgeous flower.

How many metaphors do you want? If you are able to stay with this practice and allow yourself to go through the shifts and change that this work can bring you - I believe that you will find yourself transformed.

Time and time again, I have seen it. Time and time again for ten years I have been climbing on the table to do my own work. I am still peeling back the onion of my own transformation. I am filled with awe in what is possible through touch. I wish that more people knew about this.

The good news is: Our tribe is growing.

What is a Turned On Woman?

There is a lot of talk about being a "Turned On" woman. But what exactly is that? To me, it's a woman who has figured out that sex is learning how to be a courtesan for herself first.

It's about taking the time to look inside at that magical, mystical place in our own bodies.

Once we figure out how to do that, a turned on woman will develop a deeper connection to her own sexual engine and be able to take that power source out into the world for the good of her family, friends, and community.

Now that's hot. That's turned on.

Loving you from here,

Pamela

PS. Are you standing on the side lines? Do you want some ideas, or a yellow brick road to step onto?

Sometimes you just need to be willing to do something different and bold to begin to turn on, change your perspective or reboot your engine. Come on! It's Spring! Here are some ideas and resources:

1.  Ron Stewart (http://www.skyclad.ca/) and I are running workshops and offering private sessions on the East Coast from Monday, April 22nd through May 5th.  You can find information about the workshop in Philadelphia here on Wednesday, April 23 in Bryn Mawr at 7pm 

Ron and are are offering private sessions for singles and couple on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in the area in the Bryn Mawr area and NJ. Please contact me for more details at Pamela@backtothebody.org

On Friday, April 25th we are in NYC (SoHo) where we will be offering two workshops on Saturday evening at 6:30 until 9:30pm and and Sunday evening from 6:30 to 9:30pm. The workshops are open to all. You can find the complete information on the workshops here. 

Come as a way to connect back to yourself, play, and feel sexy! These workshops are clothing on. You don't need a partner, and you can bring one!

2. Ron and I are offering private sessions from Monday April 18th through May 5th in the NYC area. If you are interested in a private session for yourself or as a couple please email me as soon as possible to discuss - we are booking up but we still have time availability to make this happen for you and take you off the side lines! Women are literally flying in from all over the country to join us in NYC. Are you local? What's stopping you? Call me. Let's move that obstacle! We are creating VIP Days for women to have the exclusive full attention of Ron and myself from 10 to 7pm! Curious? Email me at Pamela@backtothebody.org

3. Have you listened to my CD yet? "Shameless Sex, Self and Love Meditation?" It might be a great start for you! You can find it here.

4. Have you read my book yet? "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner?" You can find it here.

5. Have you ever considered attending one of our retreats? Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women has openings for our July and Tuscany Retreat in late September.

6. Just want to talk with me? Consider a free consult. We have so many ways to step off the side lines and live your life as a woman in full. Just send an email at Pamela@backtothebody.org

 

 

Meditation and Sexuality a Newly Discovered Link

One of the first things that I teach, when I work with anyone around their sexuality is the link between sex and a clear mind. Sex requires our presence, not numbing out. The best sex requires of us that we are fully in our bodies, and alive to the possibility of sensation. or skin awareness. As we awaken away numbness we are actually able to experience the softest of touches as electric vibrations through our entire body. If you think you're erotically numb, hormonally challenged or simply "over sex", this does not have to be. Erotic numbness is reversible and it begins with reawakening our ability to feel arousal.

Arousal is a state that not only fuels our creative engines, but can be enjoyed from our genitals up through our hearts and throughout our bodies. Now, what does this have to do with meditation?

It's really difficult to feel sexual arousal if our minds are busy and our thoughts are interfering. This is where meditative states can be incredibly useful. When we can quiet the mind and connect to our genitals—we are able to feel deeply into our bodies in ways that we may never have experienced before. Sometimes, it's in these quiet genital connections that we are able to find the source of any blockages to pleasure and our relationship with our own bodies. But we have to be quiet and tuned in enough to be able to listen.

If we can learn to clear our minds and connect to our genitals this can be a path to full awakening. And when I say full awakening; I'm talking about mind, body and spirit.

I discovered all of this on my own at the feet of Dr. Deepak Chopra when I attended "Journey to Healing" and combined that experience with my knowledge as a sexuality coach that believed in somatic or through the sexual body healing.

Meditation is the perfect entry point to many profound sexual experiences. Successful meditation and successful sex all start with the same three key entry points:

1. Get comfortable.

2. Slow down.

3. Connect to the breath.

When we are able to approach sex just like we approach meditation (without rushing to go somewhere fast) we are able to touch deeply ecstatic or erotic states where we have "alterations in bodily perception" and a "diminution of self awareness" according to researcher Gemma O'Brien who studied the link between sexuality and meditation.

These shared experiences are found both in subjects deeply in meditation and in people having sexual experiences.

As I got more practiced at meditation, I was able to feel my ego dissolve along with my own general sense of self-awareness. As I floated into "the gap," the place that Deepak Chopra says is the place without words, I also noticed that I lost track of where my body was in place and time. Oh yeah, I have been in these places before and it was not in the lotus position!

Gemma O'Brien found that people meditating and having an orgasm both experience the afore mentioned "diminution of self-awareness" and "alterations in bodily perception."

According to the study, when you meditate, the left side of your brain becomes activated and when you engage in sexual activity, the right side of your brain runs the show. Both of these brain responses helps you to stop the constant thinking or talking in your brain. And herein lies the key—when you are able to stop the chatter, and float into what can be called "falling into the gap," "states of higher consciousness," "erotic trance states" or even what is known as "sub space" your brain helps you by allowing you to lose physical and mental boundaries. That is where we can find enlightenment or dare I say it—bliss.

Our busy lives takes us to a place where we live all the time in our thoughts. When we are run by our thoughts we can lose connection with our bodies. This is known as "sensory amnesia" and is a feeling of not being able to give presence to our bodies. It's possible to reclaim our bodies and our sexuality. I have seen the practice of meditation and the combination of meditative states with the addition of touch create incredible openings in the lives of women.

We can regain our own sense of our bodies and begin to shed our numbness.

What to do next?

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Do You Want To Learn More?

Check our my guided sexuality meditation

Watch My Video:  The Arousal Principle