Vaginal Pain

Do You Have Slut-Ish Interrupt-us?

It can happen at anytime - seemingly without warning.  One day, your stop reading hot erotica, looking for quiet alone time to self pleasure, and rather watch "Masters of Sex" than actually have sex.  You find yourself more interested in green juice cleansing, yoga and meditation than orgasm.  You may find it very confusing; after all you may have been the "IT" girl. You know, the girl who always wanted "IT".   Yes, you might have been "The Slut".  The woman that not only wanted sex, but you may have been the woman who sought out new experiences from threesomes, to bi-sexuality to live reenactments of "Fifty Shades of Gray".  Or you may just have loved sex within your fabulous monogamous marriage, and now you rather order in a pizza.

You are not alone.  You have "Slut-ish Interrupt-us" a term recently coined by the legendary sex educator and pleasure activist Carol Queen.

It happens.  And there is hope for all of us women who wonder where that hot woman went. She is not gone; she just may have had an estrogen dive in Peri-Menopause or Menopause. She may be busy with little children or recovering from a pregnancy or infertility. And quite frankly she may be bored.

Let's be clear, for women of "a certain age" which can happen anytime in our forties and land like a lead balloon in our fifties; the estrogen dive is not fun. Low estrogen can result in painful intercourse, lower libido and vaginal dryness: OUCH.  And you can see your gynecologist for solutions! And for women dealing with little kids and pregnancy; Slut-ish Interrupt-us can be helped by creating some space away from all we hold dear. but I think for all women who have left their beloved slut behind, a central cause can be boredom.

I think that sexual boredom is the most overlooked issue in Slut-ish Interrupt-us.

Do you have a "Pleasure Plan"? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? When was the last time you have given yourself something different?

My bet is that it has been a long time since you have invited your inner slut out to play and that is why you have simply crumbled and find found yourself in a very long season of discontent.

Screw that.  You remember what it was like: Right?

Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn't look one way and to bring back your inner slut you may have to go digging into your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure. How about declaring an end to Slut-us Interrupt-us?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing taking on a sex coach or joining forces with a girlfriend. You will need support.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! Tantra anyone? Want to dance in a Red Tent? Explore coming Back to Your Body?

5.  Explore reading memoirs about other women who are in the midst of a nose dive.  Go "Eat Pray Love" and see how you can somehow create something like that in your life. Don't know what I am talking about? Read my book! Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner!

Face your life, and look to your desires, leave no path untaken.

The point is to make a plan. These are some ideas to get you started, and an offer of help. You don't have to wave good bye to those days of living a hot sexy life. You just have to wake yourself up.

So, do you have a “Pleasure Plan”? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? Perhaps it’s not the story book romance that we thought we would have in our lives. Or our marriage beds have cooled, or there isn’t a partner at all. Or maybe we just want something more or different? What then? Do we simply crumble and find ourselves in a very long season of discontent?

Screw that. Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn’t look one way. And without support you are as likely to drop your Pleasure Plan as the next Green Diet Cleanse!

I am dedicated to living a life filled with pleasure, and I love to inspire pleasure appreciation in others. It’s my work, and it’s my passion. Pleasure is my creative rocket fuel for all the parts of my life – and it can be yours too.

It’s okay to go digging in your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure.  January1st is just around the corner. Why not begin to plan for a new kind of New Year’s Resolution? How about declaring your own “Year of Pleasure”?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing a coaching series with me! The Queen of Pleasure! Let me help you tap into what you want, and let figure out how to get it.  Set up a free consultation to talk about setting up a “Pleasure Plan” for yourself.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! If you are a woman – consider joining me, Ron and Neal at our May “July 3rd Back to the Body Retreat  limited to only six women.

5. Consider a private retreat with a hands on practitioner, and go on your own Shameless Journey……and yes…..of course I can help you there too!  I can help you plan a private mini retreat for yourself, working with me and a Sexological Bodyworker. We also create private mini couple’s retreats. Email me, we can talk about it!

- See more at: http://pamelamadsen.org/a-year-of-pleasure/the-importance-of-having-a-pleasure-plan/#sthash.h6UHNcUR.dpuf

So, do you have a “Pleasure Plan”? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? Perhaps it’s not the story book romance that we thought we would have in our lives. Or our marriage beds have cooled, or there isn’t a partner at all. Or maybe we just want something more or different? What then? Do we simply crumble and find ourselves in a very long season of discontent?

Screw that. Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn’t look one way. And without support you are as likely to drop your Pleasure Plan as the next Green Diet Cleanse!

I am dedicated to living a life filled with pleasure, and I love to inspire pleasure appreciation in others. It’s my work, and it’s my passion. Pleasure is my creative rocket fuel for all the parts of my life – and it can be yours too.

It’s okay to go digging in your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure.  January1st is just around the corner. Why not begin to plan for a new kind of New Year’s Resolution? How about declaring your own “Year of Pleasure”?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing a coaching series with me! The Queen of Pleasure! Let me help you tap into what you want, and let figure out how to get it.  Set up a free consultation to talk about setting up a “Pleasure Plan” for yourself.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! If you are a woman – consider joining me, Ron and Neal at our May “July 3rd Back to the Body Retreat  limited to only six women.

5. Consider a private retreat with a hands on practitioner, and go on your own Shameless Journey……and yes…..of course I can help you there too!  I can help you plan a private mini retreat for yourself, working with me and a Sexological Bodyworker. We also create private mini couple’s retreats. Email me, we can talk about it!

- See more at: http://pamelamadsen.org/a-year-of-pleasure/the-importance-of-having-a-pleasure-plan/#sthash.h6UHNcUR.dpuf

 

The Epidemic of The Angry Vagina

  This past year, I have seen what has felt like a rising epidemic of “The Angry Vagina”. And I am not talking Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues here, although I did read the “The Angry Vagina” before I wrote this blog. I actually thought for a moment that this concept of an angry vagina was new. That I had somehow discovered it in my coaching practice! Silly me. The idea of an angry vagina has been around for a long time. It's just that I hadn't noticed them before.

 

The fact is that I hadn't thought about this concept of “The Angry Vagina” until I started to meet them on a regular basis in my sexuality coaching practice. Sure, there are vagina's that are angry about yeast infections, thinning vaginal walls, latex condoms, and tampons. But I am talking about something very different; women having conversations with their vagina and their vagina communicating to them a sense of rage, anger, disappointment, and sadness.

 

A big focus of my work is supporting women in listening to their bodies by tuning into and accessing their erotic arousal.

 

I guide women on a very simple somatic (through the body) clothing on exercise where they simply cup their genitals and rock. I have dubbed this “Lotus Life Meditation”. I have done this exercise with almost every woman I have worked with this past year. As the women rock on the hands many of them can begin to feel the slow building heat of arousal. Sometimes, this is the first time that they have felt their own arousal in a very long time. And for others, it is the first time that they have felt their arousal separate from beginning some other kind of sex act. This simple act opens up a communication pathway between a vagina and it's woman.

 

In this guided meditation, we simply feel, listen, and even question our bodies using the energy flow of arousal. In this soft trance states, the women are asked to tune into their bodies and “ask” their “pussy”, “vagina) “yoni”, “vulva” “cunt” (whatever word they are comfortable with), how their “lady parts” are feeling. I often hear words like “honey”, “soft”, “happy”, “sexy”, “hot”, “tingling”, “connected”, and “alive”. But more and more I am hearing these words: “angry”, “rage”, “broken”, “sad”, “pissed off” “disconnected”, “nothing”. And then there are shocked tears. Each woman who expressed these darker emotions were shocked that these words came out of their mouths as they spoke the emotions of their angry, hurt, ignored, and disappointed vagina.

 

I witness tears rolling down faces and stunned eyes as they realize that they have not been listening to their own bodies, and that their vagina had some very real things to say to them. And so we begin a practice of having an internal dialog between a woman and her most sacred parts. Some mental health professionals call this “counseling with our parts”. Where we actively invite a body part to communicate with us. It's an incredibly healing practice, and often eye opening for the “owner” of the part. So this is what I learned about angry vaginas from their owners this year.

 

1. Vagina's want to be held and touched and not just when sex and orgasm is on the menu. They like a good cuddle.

 

2. Vagina's want their pleasure taken into account and they are tired of being rushed.

 

3. Vagina's want their “no” to be heard. Vagina's hold stories of sexual trauma for a very long time and need lots of support to heal. They don't want to be rushed.

 

4. Vagina's want attention paid to their climate whether it is ovulation, menstruation, peri-menopause, or menopause climate shifts, they want to be cared for and heard when the weather changes.

 

5. Vagina's want to be told that they are beautiful.

 

6. Vagina's will shut down and numb out if they are ignored.

 

7. If Vagina's are ignored long enough they will get furious and can begin to hurt.

 

8. Vagina's want to be asked.

 

Vagina's are resilient and they want to feel connected to their woman. Our job as women is to create the time to do just that. It's simple really. Create a space where you can be quiet. Begin to tune into your body by noticing your breath. Close your eyes and put one hand on your genitals and one hand on your heart. You can rock, or cup and move arousal energy or not. The most important thing is the connection. Try to tune into this incredible space between your legs and ask your vagina a question such as “How are you feeling?” and see what she says.

It can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

 

Would you like support?

Please request a free consultation by emailing at Pamela@backtothebody.org

Join Pamela for a special workshop just for women all about connecting to our vaginas. This workshop is clothing on. Learn more here about the June 11th workshop in NYC.

Check out our retreats at Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats For Women

Check out my meditation. It may be a great way for you to get started.

Consider a VIP Day with Pamela.