Why You Should Consider Living Beyond Your Means

I have this habit. I live beyond my means all the time, and I encourage others to do the same. Wow.  That's some risky advice, isn't it?

So what does it mean to live beyond your means?

"Our Means" talks about what we currently have in our lives. Staying within our means talk to limitations and living smaller then what you believe you have in your financial, sexual, and emotional boxes.  The rationale is, that if you stay within what you now you have and don't "over spend",  you won't get a short fall and get into trouble. It's all about not getting into trouble by "over doing".

Right. We don't want "Trouble" in our lives do we?  Or maybe...the issue in our lives is that by staying within all the various ways we stay in "our means" is creating a very boring life.

But here's the thing: In order to change your life, you need to transform your form or  "your means".  You need to risk and go outside of all of the obstacles you have created to "keep you safe".

If you stayed inside who you think you are and decided that your physical form, your age, your financial situation, or even your relationship with your sexuality was a hard form that you had to carefully stay inside in order to be safe - then how are you suppose to transform your life?

So how is living within your means keeping you stuck?

Perhaps you are not going on adventures in your life when you believe that "your means" is a family structures that "limits" your ability to try new things.

Is "Staying within your means" the story you have about how to dress yourself because of age, weight, or public perception?

Is "Staying within your means" choosing not to pursue a love relationship because it doesn't fit all the right boxes that you believe you need to have?

And what about money?  Am I really saying to spend more money than you currently have?  Maybe.  Or spend it differently. Skip the shoes and buy the adventure, or the experience.  Experiences push us to live beyond our means on every possible level, and keep us feeling alive.

Create "more means".  I totally believe that if you decide that you are going to live bigger than you currently are, that you should go for it, and expand your means. Figure out ways to grow the money so you can have what you want in your life. Figure out payment plans, "Pleasure Plans" and expansion plans at the same timeHave the guts to do something different. Stretch! Let it be a little bit scary.  You don't have

Get rid of the stories, that "Living beyond your means" is selfish and irresponsible. I kind think that living "within" what ever story you have created for yourself that is keeping you from living your life in technicolor is a waste of a perfectly delicious life.


Sadness Can Be a Lover

You can't out travel sadness. Better to plumb it's depths. Open your mouth and swallow sadness as if it's your lover. Embrace despair, wrap your legs around it and have your way with it. Because if you can really go there, sadness can both heat you up and make you shiver. If you let it, sadness can help you redefine ecstasy and springboard you into a brand new life. Really.

The ReBirthing of You

You are going to start hearing the word "reBirthing" from me a lot. Right next to "Back to The Body" because I think it's about our bodies and the constant ability to allow a new self to come through. It is about change and transformation which is something that I am devoting my life to. Not just for you - as a coach, muse, and educator. But for me. I am constantly looking at who I am, and the patterns that make up my life. I am a change and transformation junkie - and it's not always easy.  There may be labor pains.  You may need support. Tons of it. When I am in the midst of a Rebirthing of my own self, I call in the troops to support me. I'm doing that right now in my own life. Sometimes, I scream with the pain of my own labor as I allow my newest powerful Pamela to come forth. Sometimes, I don't get the help I ask for. And sometimes, I do. This is reBirth and not everyone can hold you. You need to find the people that can and surround yourself with them. And like any labor, it will be worth it. That I can promise you.

I can't believe that in my life of change and transformation that I am approaching a new frontier again. Didn't I just do that? But here it is,  a new frontier with new ideas and responses. My priorities are changing.

What about you? Here are a few of the tell tale signs that you are about to shed a skin and reinvent yourself again:

* an impulsive decision to do something out of character

*a willingness to take a calculated risk into the unknown

*a determination to make contact with ones' authentic self and tap into the true passion there

*a desire to become a source of truth about life for the next generation

*the delicious freedom of looking the latest expectation in a life time of expectation in the eye and saying "not me, not now!"

Do you feel the twitch? Perhaps that's why you hang out with me. Because I love to ask the question; "What's next?" Maybe you find that question challenging and exciting.  You might find that in this new place that you let go of drawing from your past experiences. What was, may no longer fit all. As the journey goes forward you may need to get to know this new persona a little bit. Welcome your new outlook, new confidence, new dreams. We are not programmed to fade away. As we move into this place of rebirthing ourselves, we might find that we are better suited to new challenges than we ever were in the past. As you move forward in your new explorations, this unfamiliar persona, this mischievous Tinkerbell at our ear, matures into the voice we count on most. It gets stronger, more authoritative , more philosophical, more courageous.

People rebirthing themselves, in their second adult hood are different than anyone else. They tell the truth.

Listen to your voice. Listen to your body.

Loving you from here,


A Recipe For Change

So you want to change your life? I've got the recipe for you, and it's very simple. Recipe to Change One's Life:


1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions. Got it?

Loving you from here,


Clicking Her Heels

I have a thing for ruby slippers. It's a Dorothy thing. If you have ever heard me speak in front of a group -  there is hardly a presentation that I make when some how The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy, the Wicked Witch, the Wizard and the ruby slippers don't come up.  For me, this particular story holds one of life's biggest lessons -you don't need the Wizard to solve your problems -  only you have the magic to take you where you need to go. Now - I am not saying - I would never say - that remembering this is easy. I have spent a lot of time fighting off wicked witches, worrying about houses falling on me, and even ducking apples being thrown from the trees while I was skipping along in search of the wizard to save my shameless backside!  Don't we all? Somehow we are convinced that there is a book, a diet, a special vitamin (is it vitamin D now?) a guru, or even that new outfit that will some how fix whatever we are struggling with. I know - because I have been down that particular yellow brick road more times than I would like to share.

Frankly - most of us don't truly believe that we can get where we need to go on our own.  The fact is - just like Dorothy - I like a lion, a tin man, and a scarecrow by my side.  I love having a team - companionship - friendship. For me - being alone of that yellow brick road would be very lonely.  I think that is why there are so many different kinds of life coaches these days - people who specialize in supporting us along the path - but don't do it for us!  I think that having a coach is helpful - I have worked with one on and off for years - and I am now a practicing life coach in the area of sexuality, self image and infertility.  But that is different than looking for the Wizard to take you home.

The road to believing that we can make it happen for ourselves is complicated. It takes a level of self confidence in our own person-hood that can be hard to come by these days. I believe that it starts with making friends with our bodies - just as it is right now. I believe that it can start with making room for pleasure in your life. And I believe that it can take having some friends along yellow brick with you - simply to skip along and sing.   So pick something today that will bring you closer to your body, do something that will give you pleasure - and call a friend.

Before you know it you might be clicking you heels too - knowing that you really don't need a wizard. You had it in yourself all to go where you need to go.

As for me - I can't always wear ruby slippers - the heels are just too uncomfortable - but I find it helpful to have a reminder of my own power with me at all time - so check out my toenails - they are red and sparkling! So Dorothy!