Surrender

Join Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart in NYC for Two Fabulous Workshops On April 26th and 27th in NYC

On April 26th at 6:30pm Join internationally known sex educators, Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart for an evening of movement, breath and bliss.

“Exploring The Connection between Yoga (mindful movement) Meditation & our Sensual Body: An Interactive Play Shop For Conscious Adults”

This clothed workshop will take on the latest in scientific and somatic explorations in pleasure, arousal and body bliss states. The latest research has documented what many sex education pioneers already know: that states similar to orgasmic bliss can be found through meditation and mindful movement practice. By learning how to connect to these trance states through meditation and yoga, you are able to access arousal states that you can bring into your every day life and your bedroom. Yes, you can OM your way to a more delicious orgasm with yourself or with a partner.

In this workshop you will experience:

The benefits of being in aroused and enlivened states

You will experience in a safe and non erotic way, the path to stimulating the dopamine stream with or without a partner

Experience simple exercises through intention, movement and meditation to help convert arousal energy into life force action

Understand practices that will help you connect your genitals to your yoga and meditation practices.

Explore sensual energy as a part of a spiritual practice of meditation and manifestation

Learn how using these tools of enlivenment can lift veils of invisibility from our lives and improve self-image, enhance self-confidence.

Introduce an entirely new language that re frames the full erotic experience

To learn more about this idea please check out this article on Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shameless-woman/201203/your-brain-sex-or-meditation

Date: April 26th, 2014 Time: 6:30pm to 9:30pm Location: The workshop will be held in a studio on at 115 Wooster Street in SoHo NYC Ring buzzer Apt 2F Cost: $35.00 Reservations are required: To reserve your spot and to ask any questions please contact Pamela Madsen at 917 703 3785 or email at Pamela@backtothebody.org

Who is this workshop for? Men and Women (all gender orientations and sexual orientations). Please wear comfortable clothing as we will be moving. You do not need to know Yoga or have high levels of physical fitness in order to participate fully in this workshop. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

To Learn more about Pamela Madsen please visit http://www.PamelaMadsen.org/ and to learn more about Ron Stewart please visit http://skyclad.ca/

Please send me an email to register: Pamela@backtothebody.org

On April 27th at 6:30pm

Falling Into The Gap: An Exploration of Mindful Touch and The Pleasure of Surrendered Receiving

Join Internationally known Sex Educators Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart for an extraordinary workshop on the tools of touch and embodiment. The key to a delicious sex life with your partner or with yourself is understanding how to give and receive touch. Our fingers, our eyes, and our breath are all tools for connection. This seems basic and yet most of us have never been taught these skills. It’s all suppose to come “naturally”.

This clothes on workshop invites intrepid explorers (singles and couples) of all ages, genders and sexual orientations to learn with us in a playful and non-threatening environment.

Participants will discover that both the giving and receiving of touch is not only fun and delicious, it’s also transformational and healing. Through a series of mini-lectures, demonstrations, movement, breath and touch exercises, we will open our hearts to what is possible through the power of touch.

What you will explore:

* Communication and Boundaries -. Overcome the fear of setting limits and be comfortable with your own boundaries. Explore your own “pleasure ceiling”, and challenge yourself to raise it.

* Mindful Practices - Movement, breath and meditations will be offered to help participants become present to the subtleties of giving and receiving touch.

* Touch Explorations - Through guided exercises, improve your touch skills and deepen your capacity to connect with self or partner(s).

* Receiving Pleasure - Utilizing conscious relaxation,verbal/non-verbal communication and active receiving, we will heighten our ability to become more present to pleasure.

Date: April 27th, 2014 Time: 6:30pm to 9:30pm Location: 115 Wooster Street in SoHo NYC Buzzer Apt 2F Cost: $35.00 Reservations are required: To reserve your spot and to ask any questions please contact Pamela Madsen at 917 703 3785 or email at Pamela@backtothebody.org

To learn more about Pamela Madsen, please visit http://www.PamelaMadsen.org/

To learn more about Ron Stewart Please visit

Please wear comfortable clothing. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

Join Internationally known Sex Educators Pamela Madsen and Ron Stewart for an extraordinary workshop on the tools of touch and embodiment. The key to a delicious sex life with your partner or with yourself is understanding how to give and receive touch. Our fingers, our eyes, and our breath are all tools for connection. This seems basic and yet most of us have never been taught these skills. It’s all suppose to come “naturally”.

Falling Into The Gap: An Exploration of Mindful Touch and The Pleasure of Surrendered Receiving

This clothes on workshop invites intrepid explorers (singles and couples) of all ages, genders and sexual orientations to learn with us in a playful and non-threatening environment.

Participants will discover that both the giving and receiving of touch is not only fun and delicious, it’s also transformational and healing. Through a series of mini-lectures, demonstrations, movement, breath and touch exercises, we will open our hearts to what is possible through the power of touch.

What you will explore:

* Communication and Boundaries -. Overcome the fear of setting limits and be comfortable with your own boundaries. Explore your own “pleasure ceiling”, and challenge yourself to raise it.

* Mindful Practices - Movement, breath and meditations will be offered to help participants become present to the subtleties of giving and receiving touch.

* Touch Explorations - Through guided exercises, improve your touch skills and deepen your capacity to connect with self or partner(s).

* Receiving Pleasure - Utilizing conscious relaxation,verbal/non-verbal communication and active receiving, we will heighten our ability to become more present to pleasure.

Date: April 27th, 2014 Time: 6:30pm to 9:30pm Location: 115 Wooster Street in SoHo NYC Buzzer Apt 2F Cost: $35.00 Reservations are required: To reserve your spot and to ask any questions please contact Pamela Madsen at 917 703 3785 or email at Pamela@backtothebody.org

Please wear comfortable clothing. We will be doing gentle, easy movements that most people will be able to participate in. This workshop involves no nudity.

Payment for both workshops will be at the door. Cash Only.

Reclaiming My Surrender

I have been working with aspects of my own relationship with surrender for ten years now. When I finally was able to let go of my shame around my own erotic desires it sent me down a path of healing and transformation that shifted every part of my life. But that is not what this blog is about. Recently, a very powerful Dominance and submission (D/s) relationship ended abruptly for me. The man who I expressed my surrender to no longer was interested in me that way. It came as a powerful shock to my heart. I had no idea what I was suppose to do with all of this grief, and my desires around some of the ways that I express my relationship with surrender.  The relationship was filled with ritual; and one of those rituals was the wearing of a collar.

One of my counselors (yes, even life coaches have life coaches), suggested that I bury a symbol of my submission to this man. I choose the leather collar that was made especially for me by a beloved friend with a blue crystal hanging off of it. I loved my collar and what it represented.  Not only my submission to this man, but my relationship to surrender.

When I was released from my "collar" with this man, it seemed that the obvious thing was to bury the collar - as a way of letting go.

So I did it. I walked in the snow into the woods, with a candle, some sage and my beloved collar. I didn't bury it in the ground. I put it in a tree. The tree had this opening that reminded me of a vulva. So I did this ritual and put the collar inside the womb of the tree. I lit a candle, said some chants and buried it deep with leaves and twigs.

Over the next few weeks I checked on the collar. I removed it from the tree and wanted it back, but I told myself that this would be unhealthy.

Until today. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks. That was MY collar, not his. My collar represented the gift of my surrender. It was a gift, and he returned it. But it was always mine.

That's why it felt wrong to me to bury the collar, it was like burying an aspect of myself and giving it up because  this man didn't want it any more. It didn't mean that my relationship with surrender needed to end. It was not over because he choose not to engage with me around it.  Surrender was something that was totally mine, and I got to express it in any way that I choose to in my life. And if that collar was an important symbol to me, that I needed to go get it.

So, off I went to find that tree again in the woods. Since I had been in the woods, somebody in forestry had cut down a bunch of trees. I got really nervous, was the tree gone? At first I almost couldn't find it, but I just surrendered.....and there it was.

And after six weeks, the collar was inside the tree just where I left it. The tree had done a beautiful job holding the symbol of my gift. I thanked her, and let my hands touch the leather. The blue crystal was fabulous in the light.

My surrender is mine. It is a gift that I give to myself, and sometimes share with others. No one has the power to take that from me.

It was delicious to reclaim that today.

Intimacy With a Sacred Intimate: The Question of Attachment

I am often asked about questions of “attachment” when working so intimately with hands on sexual practitioners, sexological body workers, sacred intimates and dakas.  I always answer the inquiries with the truth – of course there is attachment and it comes and goes. Recently I went looking for a blog that didn’t make it into Shameless – and I thought that sharing my moment of realizing that I was becoming very attached to Markus, The Tantric Tiger would be helpful.  

So what follows is a scene that never made it into the book – I was driving up to Easton Mountain for a Body Electric Retreat with my friend Corrine….

And the blog begins.....

 

As, I drove to Corrine, to pick her up for our drive to Easton Mountain, I started to replay my last session with Markus when he gave me a lesson on giving a back rub - an kind of intro to basic massage. I had never touched his body before and it shocked me how much I enjoyed  touching him and giving him pleasure.

 

How much I loved rubbing his back, holding his head in my hands - and having the freedom to run my fingers over his back from the base of his spin to his hair.

 

And then, I was hit with a  startling realization. That it was not just the beauty of his body and the opportunity to simply just touch him back  (something that I did not usually get invited to do in session) that I was savoring - it was the intimacy that I was feeling between us.

 

The relationship that had formed in almost a year of weekly three hour visits, telephone conversations, field trips and emails.

STOP THE CAR.

I actually pulled over, and sat back behind the wheel.

I was growing attached to Markus.  This professional relationship was filled with REAL HUMAN INTIMACY -  and it was spilling over the boundaries that I was attached to, when I started this work.

I was clear that I was not feeling romantic love for this man. I had no desire to send him valentines or leave my husband. I had no desire for sexual touch with Markus outside of session. But still, this realization that I was feeling any kind of attachment to him sent a crackle of fear down my spine.

I was not suppose to feel attachment, or love - of any kind for my Sexologist or Sacred Intimate! That was the entire point of this - no emotional attachment! But here I was almost a year after I had started working with Markus -  and all of a sudden - things were not feeling so neat any more.

I didn't want to leave for my retreat without speaking to Markus. I wish that I could write him. But I was going to be away from technology. So I decided to call him.

"Good morning Goddess!!! How are you today? On the road yet?" Markus greeted me.

 

"Yes, I am in the car - on my way to Corrine - and I needed to speak to you before I left. Can you talk with me for a little while?" I asked.

 

"Sure, Pamela - I am all yours. Is everything alright?"

 

"I don't know how to start - and I am feeling embarrassed and scared - and I guess that I don't have to tell you this - but I want to because it is scaring me on several levels. So just let me get it all out before you respond...... I realized something for the first time. Markus, I am getting really attached to you. I am realizing that I am feelings all these feelings! And it is scaring me. I am feeling love. Love for you!  And when I think about it - How could I NOT love you!!!!! Look at all the things that have happened to me because of my work with you?

 

How  could I not loving not being ruled by food  addiction? How  could I not love feeling my body change slowly? How could I not love feeling healthier? How could I not love feeling in control of my food? How  could I not love feeling beautiful? How could I not love feel sexy?

How could I not love feeling my divinity? How could I not love feeling strong inside? How could I not love discovering my sexuality? How could I not love finding out about my sexual desires? How could I not love finding out about  spankings? How could I not love sharing my feelings?

How could I not love feeling safe and supported? How could I not love being given handouts to take home and learn? How could I not love being offered guidance? How could I not love being offered health? How could I not love someone caring enough about me to feed me frozen raspberries?

How could I not love learning how to feed them to myself? How could I not love flowers on a bed meant for me? How could I not love learning to look at my own body in the mirror and see my own beauty? How could I not love being bathed and cared for by you?

Markus - How could I not love the person that is bringing me these gifts?"  And these feelings are breaking all the rules.."

 

I think I might have drawn a breath. "Markus are you there? Did you hang up? Is it wrong for me to love you? I am feeling so frightened that you are going to tell me that I am too emotionally dependent on you now - and walk away from me in fear!! How can I express how I feel in a safe way and honest way - because I do not know how to do anything else..that does not break boundaries - and ruin all the things that are new and loving and good?

Am I suppose to deny? In order to keep what I am loving so much? I know who you are, Markus. You are my teacher. I know who I am, I am your student. Your client. We are not friends - really. We are not lovers. Yet I want to tell you that I am feeling love for you. And that makes me feel so vulnerable. I want to tell you, and be honest with you about  my feelings of attachment without the fear of losing all the things that I love. This love that is bringing me so much richness of experience. So much joy.

 

But think about it Mark, how could I not love? How could I not feel emotional attachment after all that we have done together? Can I feel those things, be honest with you about them - and not have you 'end the session'? How can I not love? After all that I have experienced - with all the gifts that you have offered me - I would not be human. Please tell me, Markus. How do I not love? Is it wrong that I love? Will I be turned away for loving? I love you and all the gifts that you have brought me. You have helped me start to change my life - and I am just beginning." Tears were flowing - and I was talking between gasps of air."

 

"Pamela - stop. Breathe a minute. It is all good. I promise you. I receive your love and it does not scare me. I will not send you away for loving. Pammy - I hold love in my heart for you as well. It is all good and natural. It is all received and It's all okay. I receive your love. It is real. My love for you is real.

The structures /boundaries are  real too. The people have their limits- the Love, however knows none. A paradox- one of many...Pamela, we can both enjoy the journey. I am too!" Markus took a pause and then continued " Your fears are "old programs" of abandonment when feeling made ashamed of  for being "too big" or "too hungry". I'm not abandoning you. You are no longer susceptible either as you are an adult, a very powerful one as well! It's just old programs."

 

"But Markus - I PAY YOU.  I pay to see you. You are a 'hired coach of love and spiritual guidance. You are not really even my friend in the truest sense of the word."

 

"Pamela, In this economy/culture  people pay me so that I can pay my rent and my organic grocery bills!!  What you pay for is the rate for my TIME. Everything else in the session is a GIFT from Heaven. I believe that it is the "Gods" gifting me to guide the session, and myself as well!

I don't have an agenda or even sometimes an idea about the WHAT, where, or activity in some of the sessions. Most want bodywork as we are a touch starved people.

 

Our connection and love, your feelings- all REAL.

 

The circumstances are arranged- not unlike a good theater experience- beautiful, cathartic, we are transformed and moved. Kate, do we fall in "love " and go home with the players in the Theater? No, we don't need to! We go back to our lives transformed with new "spunk" for living. But Pamela - what you are saying is real ANYWAY. Our relationship is real. About what you FEEL about me is real.

 

But go deeper. Please go to the source of the wound:The relationship between you and me is second to your relationship with YOURSELF, between your feelings and YOU. Your feelings are Trans-personal. They go beyond our personal limits - Real love does. Our relationship is TRANS personal, it goes beyond a "married woman with kids" and  "a single gay man". I am the Goddess for you. I am the God for you. I awaken YOU to awaken HER - your "not so in hiding", Goddess." Markus stopped there and waited.

 

"I trust you, Markus. Not to hurt me. I am just scared that this feeling of attachment will hurt me in some way. And that it is wrong for me to have these feelings. In some ways I have, from day one, given you my heart and asked you not to break it on so many levels." I put my head back on the rest in the car.

 

"Dear sweet Pamela, your trust is the most precious! I do hold your beating heart in my hands. I do know the trust that you have given me and I am, as always deeply moved by you. Yes, more raspberries are ready to be spooned to you with sweetness. You are my Beloved, you will always be.

Nothing can change that. That is trans relational......My goal is for you to feel that, live that,  carry that seed that I (we) plant beyond the time that our work sessions comes to a close."

 

I felt better. I understood more - and it felt right to share and have this conversation with Markus. I guess if this was regular therapy this would be called transference. But I felt safe now in my feelings - and it was important for me to know that what I was feeling was real. And not just a part of my payment schedule. That the intimacy  and affection between us was real - not imagined. Markus said a lot to me, and so much of it made sense - and gave me a context in which to look at my feelings. I had so much to think about.  I never realized just how much trust and intimacy I had with this man.  And perhaps - because of the safe container that I built with him - the intimacy and the caring - perhaps that is how I have been able to move on this road of personal growth and transformation. Maybe, it could not be done without love and intimacy. All of that surrendering!!!! And I was on my way to experience more.

 

That blog was written many years ago. I no longer do sessions with Markus - he is now a good friend. I still care deeply about him - and I never had the feeling to move past love to lover. It just never happened. But this can be a tricky landscape for some women doing hands on work especially if they are not working with a hands on practitioner that is not in integrity. That is why I tell women if they are interested in doing hands on work with a practitioner that it is often best to do this with the help and assistance of a sexuality coach that is familiar with this kind of healing work.