Naomi Wolf

Will I Be Safe? Exploring Hands on Sexual Healing

I talk to literally hundreds of women that are exploring cutting edge humanistic sex therapy, somatic sex education or more simply stated - hands on sexual healing and exploration. The number one question is "Will I be safe?". That's the most complicated question to answer, because there isn't a straight forward response! What does being safe mean to you? Of course you will not be harmed in any kind of physical or emotional way. That is the hope whenever we see a professional holistic practitioner that we trust with our care. But safe? A part of me wants to answer..."Of course not! And isn't that the point?" Is that why you are truly showing up? Or are you showing up to push your boundaries and comfort zones? To feel things that you have only read about in books? To explore and heal places that perhaps you could not get to through pills, shakes, and Dr. Oz?

Going deeper into your body and mind can be really challenging. Sometimes, it can really make you feel uncomfortable because you are touching all kinds of new and old feelings. So, no, you will not be safe from any of that. Sometimes, you may feel like you want to run away. That is a challenge any time that we want more in our lives. It's about digging in, and getting terribly real with ourselves. That's what hands on therapy provides.

It's an opportunity to explore your sexuality, desires, and body image in a way that is all about you.

Step-by-stiletto step, it can feel exciting, eye opening, earnest, pleasure filled, and magical. On your journey you will be flipping the switch on your erotic engine in ways that you never thought was possible. That’s the powerhouse motor fueled by sexual energy that propels every aspect of a woman’s life--sexual pleasure, relationships (from mother-daughter to lover to her own body), education and even success in business.

Safe? Will I be safe?

Well, it all starts with you. Your body. Your humble vagina and your precious pelvis. Every woman’s got one. The problem is it’s only the rare woman who knows how to access and use its magic powers for self-transformation.

That's what hands on, somatic practice is offering. An opportunity to explore this place in yourself and learn how. The goal is to power up, rediscover or perhaps to find for the first time that hotbed of energy and harness it to unleash each woman’s full potential.

Do you want to feel integrated, powerful, sensuous and seen? Do you want to look at your sexuality through a different lens then you ever have before? What if sex is not just there for attracting men, orgasms or making babies? And what if you could have all that and the secret sauce too if you wanted it?

Naomi Wolf has taken on the subject of the vagina-heart-brain circuit in her inevitably controversial treatise and NY Times bestseller, “Vagina: A New Biography.” Though it’s met wild adulation and bitter criticism, the message is compelling. When the circuit, a dopamine-oxytocin-opiate loop in physiological terms, is intact and uninterrupted, women are in a state of genuine well-being: capable, confident and sexy. When that loop is disrupted, severed, shamed or abused women numb out. They get depressed, anxious, have low libido and dare I say it, suffer “hysteria.” While Wolf’s analysis may be bitterly contested by some, her understanding and defense of the genital-brain connection is one that we've studied and established empirically.

What she didn’t explain in any great detail is how to acknowledge and complete that circuit so that we women are steadily charged, activated, open to and ready for life. That’s what this is all about.

Will you be safe? Is perhaps forever changed safe?

Yes....you will be safe in the deepest sense of the world. And you will also be busted open, and alive like you have never been in your entire life.

Do you want to know more? Contact me for a free "Curious Critter" session. Just send an email to Pamela@beingshameless.com and put "Curious Critter" in the subject line!

Learning To Trust Your Own Vagina

I am deep in the world of vaginas.  I am watching "Hysteria", reading Naomi Wolf's new book, "Vagina: New A Biography", and busy planning the details for"Back to The Body: A Sensuous Retreat For Women". I went to sleep literally holding mine in my hand, and lulling myself to sleep. My vagina gives me comfort, pleasure, and is literally the biggest tool in my tool chest for my own continued transformation. I want that for all women.

It makes me so sad that many women don't trust their own vaginas. We have so much fear about them, and create a world of Grimm Fairy tales around them.  We worry that we smell funny. That we won't orgasm, or lubricate enough, or that our vulva is funny looking. We worry that our vagina will take too long to give us pleasure and that our lovers will get bored or tired.
Most of the healing and relationship building I have done with my own vagina has been through vulva massage and through talking about vaginas in the company of other women. Most heterosexual women have never seen another woman's vulva. We have no idea of the different shapes, colors and textures. Many men know more about vaginas than women because they actually get to see them, and touch them.
Most women are left alone, in isolation with our vagina for our entire life. We don't even have words we are comfortable with to name our vagina, and way too many women cannot name the landscape of their own vulva. Let's face it. Nobody talks about their own vagina. Women talk tons about their relationships with men, but when was the last time (if you own a vagina) that you talked about your vagina?
I believe that women need way more touch on their vaginas then they are currently getting. I am not necessarily talking about love making. I am talking about vulva,clitoral, vaginal and g spot massage. Women can learn to do this for themselves, and it is absolutely awakening to us, to simply be able to lie back and receive this. It can bring you into a place of transcendence. It will open you up to parts of yourself that you didn't know existed. Emotional weather will come in like a tornado, and leave you in sunshine. You may cry, scream or laugh. You may have an orgasm, or you may not. The more you receive genital massage the deeper you will go. You will wake up in ways you cannot even imagine. And once you wake up your vagina - you will touch your own beloved, and she will never leave you. You might even lull yourself to sleep, gently holding her.
The feminine spirit lives there, and we need to teach women how to access it. Why don't we teach girls about vaginas and the emotional powerhouse that is stored in them? That is the endless question, that there are way too many answers too. But we can take control now, and teach ourselves. It is never too late to access the power of your own vagina and learn to trust her. One tool, might be to listen to "Self, Love and Sexuality" my meditation created to take you inside your own vagina.
Your vagina is beautiful, desirable, and can help you release the creative potential that you hold inside of yourself.  If you want help in your explorations, please reach out.
Loving you from here,

Pamela