Low Libido

Do You Have Slut-Ish Interrupt-us?

It can happen at anytime - seemingly without warning.  One day, your stop reading hot erotica, looking for quiet alone time to self pleasure, and rather watch "Masters of Sex" than actually have sex.  You find yourself more interested in green juice cleansing, yoga and meditation than orgasm.  You may find it very confusing; after all you may have been the "IT" girl. You know, the girl who always wanted "IT".   Yes, you might have been "The Slut".  The woman that not only wanted sex, but you may have been the woman who sought out new experiences from threesomes, to bi-sexuality to live reenactments of "Fifty Shades of Gray".  Or you may just have loved sex within your fabulous monogamous marriage, and now you rather order in a pizza.

You are not alone.  You have "Slut-ish Interrupt-us" a term recently coined by the legendary sex educator and pleasure activist Carol Queen.

It happens.  And there is hope for all of us women who wonder where that hot woman went. She is not gone; she just may have had an estrogen dive in Peri-Menopause or Menopause. She may be busy with little children or recovering from a pregnancy or infertility. And quite frankly she may be bored.

Let's be clear, for women of "a certain age" which can happen anytime in our forties and land like a lead balloon in our fifties; the estrogen dive is not fun. Low estrogen can result in painful intercourse, lower libido and vaginal dryness: OUCH.  And you can see your gynecologist for solutions! And for women dealing with little kids and pregnancy; Slut-ish Interrupt-us can be helped by creating some space away from all we hold dear. but I think for all women who have left their beloved slut behind, a central cause can be boredom.

I think that sexual boredom is the most overlooked issue in Slut-ish Interrupt-us.

Do you have a "Pleasure Plan"? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? When was the last time you have given yourself something different?

My bet is that it has been a long time since you have invited your inner slut out to play and that is why you have simply crumbled and find found yourself in a very long season of discontent.

Screw that.  You remember what it was like: Right?

Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn't look one way and to bring back your inner slut you may have to go digging into your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure. How about declaring an end to Slut-us Interrupt-us?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing taking on a sex coach or joining forces with a girlfriend. You will need support.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! Tantra anyone? Want to dance in a Red Tent? Explore coming Back to Your Body?

5.  Explore reading memoirs about other women who are in the midst of a nose dive.  Go "Eat Pray Love" and see how you can somehow create something like that in your life. Don't know what I am talking about? Read my book! Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner!

Face your life, and look to your desires, leave no path untaken.

The point is to make a plan. These are some ideas to get you started, and an offer of help. You don't have to wave good bye to those days of living a hot sexy life. You just have to wake yourself up.

So, do you have a “Pleasure Plan”? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? Perhaps it’s not the story book romance that we thought we would have in our lives. Or our marriage beds have cooled, or there isn’t a partner at all. Or maybe we just want something more or different? What then? Do we simply crumble and find ourselves in a very long season of discontent?

Screw that. Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn’t look one way. And without support you are as likely to drop your Pleasure Plan as the next Green Diet Cleanse!

I am dedicated to living a life filled with pleasure, and I love to inspire pleasure appreciation in others. It’s my work, and it’s my passion. Pleasure is my creative rocket fuel for all the parts of my life – and it can be yours too.

It’s okay to go digging in your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure.  January1st is just around the corner. Why not begin to plan for a new kind of New Year’s Resolution? How about declaring your own “Year of Pleasure”?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing a coaching series with me! The Queen of Pleasure! Let me help you tap into what you want, and let figure out how to get it.  Set up a free consultation to talk about setting up a “Pleasure Plan” for yourself.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! If you are a woman – consider joining me, Ron and Neal at our May “July 3rd Back to the Body Retreat  limited to only six women.

5. Consider a private retreat with a hands on practitioner, and go on your own Shameless Journey……and yes…..of course I can help you there too!  I can help you plan a private mini retreat for yourself, working with me and a Sexological Bodyworker. We also create private mini couple’s retreats. Email me, we can talk about it!

- See more at: http://pamelamadsen.org/a-year-of-pleasure/the-importance-of-having-a-pleasure-plan/#sthash.h6UHNcUR.dpuf

So, do you have a “Pleasure Plan”? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? Perhaps it’s not the story book romance that we thought we would have in our lives. Or our marriage beds have cooled, or there isn’t a partner at all. Or maybe we just want something more or different? What then? Do we simply crumble and find ourselves in a very long season of discontent?

Screw that. Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn’t look one way. And without support you are as likely to drop your Pleasure Plan as the next Green Diet Cleanse!

I am dedicated to living a life filled with pleasure, and I love to inspire pleasure appreciation in others. It’s my work, and it’s my passion. Pleasure is my creative rocket fuel for all the parts of my life – and it can be yours too.

It’s okay to go digging in your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure.  January1st is just around the corner. Why not begin to plan for a new kind of New Year’s Resolution? How about declaring your own “Year of Pleasure”?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing a coaching series with me! The Queen of Pleasure! Let me help you tap into what you want, and let figure out how to get it.  Set up a free consultation to talk about setting up a “Pleasure Plan” for yourself.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! If you are a woman – consider joining me, Ron and Neal at our May “July 3rd Back to the Body Retreat  limited to only six women.

5. Consider a private retreat with a hands on practitioner, and go on your own Shameless Journey……and yes…..of course I can help you there too!  I can help you plan a private mini retreat for yourself, working with me and a Sexological Bodyworker. We also create private mini couple’s retreats. Email me, we can talk about it!

- See more at: http://pamelamadsen.org/a-year-of-pleasure/the-importance-of-having-a-pleasure-plan/#sthash.h6UHNcUR.dpuf

 

Are You in An Addictive Relationship With Yourself?

When therapists and coaches talk about "addictive relationships", they are usually talking about a relationship with another human being.  But have you ever considered that you could be in an "Addictive Relationship" with yourself? An addictive relationship is basically one that causes you pain, embodies a love/hate dynamic, and is frequently blown apart by drama, conflicts, and dissatisfaction.

It's called an addiction because even though you may be aware of how dysfunctional and destructive the relationship is, you keep doing the same thing over and over again. You keep participating in the conflict and the dynamics.

I think that way more of us are in destructive addictive relationships with ourselves then with other people.

Five Symptoms That You Are In an Addictive Relationship With Yourself:

1. You Talk Body Shame All The Time: You are never happy with your appearance. Whether it is your weight, your style, or your various body parts.

2. You are sure that you are not worthy of love. That there will never be the right partner out there for you because you are simply not enough. And you stick with a relationship that you know deep in your heart is not right for you, because you think that it can't get any better. After all, aren't you lucky that you "landed" this relationship at all?

3. You have repetitive negative thoughts about other women, and always feel like you need to compete or be better than they are.

4. You feel disconnected to your own sexuality while you have repetitive thoughts about how you "think" things could be better. You stay stuck in the constant thinking - but you never try anything new.

5. You are always reading self help articles and books looking for an answer to your own pain, but never seem to find it.

The only way out of this destructive, addictive cycle with yourself is to change your behaviors and take a good strong look in the mirror. I mean it. Go look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions.

Questions to Ask Yourself When Seeking to End an Addictive Relationship With Yourself:

1. What are you willing to put up with? Would you hang out with a friend that treats you and speaks to you the way you are treating yourself?

2. Can you name the ways in which you are abusive to yourself?

3. Do you pretend that you are not hurting yourself so that you don't have to change?

4. Can you entertain the possibility that you could love yourself right now - just as you are. Could you possibly believe that change can only come from a place of self love and allowing yourself pleasure? Can you name how you love yourself now?Your relationship with yourself reflects the best of who you are, and what you can get out of life.Take a good hard look. Are you in a destruction addictive relationship with yourself? Ignoring it won't make it go away. Pretending that you are not in an addictive cycle of self hate talk will not create the pleasure in your life and fulfillment that most of us seek.Instead you may find yourself stuck in anger, anxiety, depression, low libido and sometimes isolation.

You are the one who is stopping yourself from making changes that will improve your life, your options, your reactions and ultimately your future and every present moment in your life. How do you move out of this cycle?

1. Acknowledge the clearest truth about what you are feeling, what you are thinking, and what you want.

2. Stop worrying about what others might think about your feelings. Stop judging. Try accepting where you are right now and then decide what action you want to take next.

3. Acknowledge your own uniqueness. You have your own way of being. Your own views and opinions. You walk in the world your own way. See yourself with your own loving eyes - not through the eyes of others.

4. Write down how you would like to express yourself in your own greatness.

5. Take the next step. Make the choices and take actions that reflect who you know yourself to really be. Do not treat yourself with anything less than you deserve and don't let others as well.

Ultimately, it's really up to you. If you are addicted to emotional anguish, and never getting what you want - you can stay right where you are. But there is a world full of beauty, support, adventure and pleasure. You have to choose it.

You need to find the courage to not only move towards that reality, but to stay with it once you put your big toe in it. This may mean moving out of your comfort zone and staying there for a while. The familiar is comfortable even if it is painful. It's yours after all. You know it well.

Only you can choose to give up this tired old addictive relationship with yourself and the pain that can come with it. Are you ready?

Loving you from here,

Pamela

PS. I would love to help. I am offering a "Letting Go of Addictive Self Hatred and Creating a Pleasure Plan" Package. Curious? Email me at Pamela@BacktoTheBody.com and put "Time For Change" in the subject line. What could be a better plan for 2014?

Mid Life Sexiness

I am here to shout from the roof tops that great sex does not have to end just because you are getting older! One of the most common questions that I am asked by my fifty something coaching clients is what can they do to keep it sexy after 50. So I have created some helpful tips to keep you humming! Are You Lover Ready? Never underestimate the value of breath mints! I am really not kidding - somehow when we are in relationship for a while, we let things go. We come to bed in sweat pants and torn tee shirts. We give our best at the office where we carry the peppermints - but sometimes come to bed without brushing our teeth! When you come to bed are you "Lover Ready" or more likely ready to turn your back? I always find the suggestion of a date night so cliché. But date nights are really important. It's important to leave those tennis shoes at home and get dressed up! It is only by courting each other that we get to remember the person that you fell in love with. Keep the connection and communication alive by not bringing your problems to dinner. Don't bring up the issues with the kids, or financial problems. Really they can wait! Instead focus on your dreams - and what kind of adventure your guys could plan if you could create the time away. In addition, if you can get away - go! The truth is that sex in a hotel room can be the best sex of all. Sex is about more than procreation and it can get better with age. Yes - sex changes as we get older. Our hormones wane - and this can actually be a good thing! If we are not in the frenzy of hormone driven sex - we can take advantage of the slowing down. There is opportunity in the slowing down where a deepening sensuality can grow. Remember that young sex is hormone driven. Those raging hormones get us running around those bases like we are in a race. Isn't it hard to taste your food while you are running? As our hormones soften - we can too and perhaps finally begin to truly pay attention to what we are doing. Slow down and get sensual. Let you hot deep desire soften into love and gentleness. Let go of what love making used to look like - that was so last year. It's time to let go of who you used to be as a sexual creature and say hello to who you are now. Many people believe that making love (sex) starts in our brains. It's about how you think of yourself. If you think you are old and your sexuality is dead then most likely you will act old and you sexuality will be dead. Instead - let's flip the sex switch back on - and let the blood flow!

 

Sex is About More Than Intercourse! It's time for an attitude adjustment! If you are a man over 50 - you do not need to be a roaring stallion anymore. Chances are your woman would be just as happy if you learned how to explore the other arts of love making! Explore things like oral sex and all body touch. Slow it down and do a little research on how to make your touch sexier. There are some great resources out there. Explore educational videos that can teach you how to use your mouth and hands more effectively! And maybe it's time to see what is going on at your local sex store! Sex toys are fun - and they can really inspire you to be innovative in your play!

 

The Changing Body

Both men and women experience changes in our bodes as we age. Women may find that they are now experiencing thinness in their vaginal walls and dryness. Men may experience a drop in testosterone while women are losing estrogen. Talk to your doctor about exploring Bio Identical Hormone Therapy. Some experts believe that changes in diet, increasing exercise, acupuncture and even doing kegals for both men and women can really help. Learn about the little blue pill, lubricants, arousal gels for women and become an innovative thinker. Menopause or Manopause is no reason for sex to stop. Sexless marriages and sexless single lives do not have to happen simply because we age or our bodies change. In fact these changes can bring added gifts. It is possible to become a hotter lover and be more sexually active than we ever were when we were younger. Come on....have you ever done a sexy Skype conversation with your partner? See? The possibilities are endless!

 

 

Desire is The Real Female Orgasm

Do you want to turn women on? Then you had better know our dirty little secret...it's what makes so many of us women feel sexy and raises our libidos about ten degrees. It's the feeling of being desired.Marta Meana said it best when she said that for most women "Desire is the real female orgasm". As women, we want to be the most desired fruit in the salad. We want our significant other - or simply admiring eyes to reflect back to us their desire for us - and this gives us more pleasure that most of us would like to admit to. It's not very politically correct now - is it? Well - here's a new flash for you - sexuality is not politically correct! I don't know about you - but I want to be swept off my feet by a suitor that just cannot breathe without me. Oh come on. You want it too! You know it's true. And if it's really, really, really isn't true for you as a woman - it is true for countless others. Why do you think romance novels are so popular? It's girl porn! It's where we get to read about the damsel being desired - courted - whisked away against her will - because his desire for her is so intense that he just must have her! And that turns on our feminine soul in such a hot deep place that the heroine falls in love. The end. This story is told again and again - marketed directly to women - to our core fantasy - and purchased in truck loads by countless women in countless Walmarts across the country every day. And yet - we are bashful about it. Aren't we? The question that I pose is why don't we us women simply cop to the fantasy? My theory is because it embarrasses us. We feel shame in having any desire that does not include us being in control at all times. We want to be feminists - and self sufficient. We don't want to "Need" men (or female lovers) - or look to the outside world for approval. It's not what we have been taught to want. But sexuality and desire - didn't read the play book. The way our desire works in as encoded in our DNA as the color of our eyes. So what happens to us as women when we no longer "feel seen" as sexual beings. What if weight gain, aging, or even disability makes us feel invisible to those outside eyes? What happens then to our female sexuality? What happens if we hate ourselves so deeply because of life events such as experiencing infertility or cancer that we turn in completely and switch off our sexuality button - so that nobody will see us anymore? Oh yeah - you know what I am talking about. Big ugly shapeless sweat shirts to name one stereotypical piece of female sexual camouflage. But it's true - we do it. We hide in so many ways. We make it so that no one could desire us - and that fulfills the prophecy that we are not desirable. I watched Geneen Roth on Oprah months ago and it still stays with me. These women couldn't stop talking about how they self loathed. It is a vicious cycle - of self hating - not being willing to be seen - and there fore not being seen. That shuts us down - and creates a host of problems for us. What kind of problems? Well how about low libido, depression, anxiety anger, sadness and all kinds of self abuse in the form of overeating and abuse of other substances as we try to feed something we can't name inside of us. I don't think that any of this can truly be cured in the form of a pink pill for women. It's so much deeper for us. For us - Desire is the Female Orgasm - and we have to return to a place in our selves first where we can learn to receive pleasure. Once we can decide that we are worthy of that first step - miracles can happen.

Do You Want to Live Your Life as a Turned On Woman?

In so many ways - I am an everyday woman. I own a mini-van and I don't have any tattoos. My hair is brunette with no pink or purple streaks. My nose is ringless. But I have a sexy swing to my hips, and a skip to my step. I have found the secret sauce. I am a turned on woman! What is a turned on woman? It's a woman who has figured out that sex begins with learning how to be a courtesan for herself first and foremost. It's about taking the time to look within and connect to our own sexual core. Once we figure out how to do that - a turned on woman will develop a deeper connection to her own sexual engine and be able to take that power source out into the world for the good of her family, friends, and community.

I wrote about my own experiences in becoming a turned on woman in my memoir "Shameless, How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner", but that was my journey. Every woman has her own journey. But what I learned on my journey is that sex is a power tool.

Sex can bring babies into the world, steal hearts, and over throw empires. So why wouldn't we use sex to enliven, invigorate and transform our lives? Have you forgotten about it? Or perhaps never really tapped into your own sexuality? Sometimes, we have to rediscover our desire for it. Learn to take pleasure from it - and learn to use sex to energize us from the inside out. The secret sauce is that our sexual energy can actually fuel our creative juices, enliven our relationships and connect us in a deeper way on our spiritual path.

Sex is pretty powerful stuff. But like the best kinds of energy available, it is clean, sustainable and self renewing. We just have to stoke the fires once in a while!

How can you begin to tap into this magical, mystical place in your body? One of my favorite places to begin with my coaching clients (who I have taken to calling my "Client Girlfriends") is to have them develop their own self pleasuring practice.

So many of my client girlfriends often bristle, and roll their eyes at the thought. The common refrain is "If I have to give it to myself what good is it?" or "I don't have the time to self pleasure" or "If I give it to myself then it's not worth very much!"

To that I say "We have to stop looking outside of ourselves for pleasure. We can't always expect someone else to give us what we want - and if we don't develop a self pleasuring practice how on earth are we ever go to know what we want when we are with a partner?"

That brought a light bulb moment to my clients who responded by saying "OMG. You are right. When my lover asks me what I like - I can't tell him. I have no idea."

This beautiful woman is not alone. So many of us have no idea what truly turns us on. I believe that it is incredibly important to figure this out in order to live as a woman in full.

The secret sauce to becoming a turned on woman - is inside each and everyone one of us. We just need some vitamin "P" (pleasure) to turn her on and energize her. Take the time to stoke your own fires - and I promise that you will smolder in a very delicious and sexy way all day long!

To this end - I am working with the Playing Ground - to develop programs are  "that devoted to awakening your passion and aliveness through the art of play and sensual rejuvenation. We are here to remind you what every child intuitively knows, but what too many adults have forgotten".

To that end - I am running my first workshop with Playing Ground - all about learning how to find your own turned on woman!  Perhaps you’ve never really learned to tap into your own sexuality - or you want to ramp it up! Well, it’s time to learn how to turn yourself on! And that’s exactly what this program is designed to do.

This live workshop will introduce exercises and provide advice from our panel of sensuality experts including Tomas and Joan Heartfield, PhD.  Joan & Tomas are skilled in the art of teaching a woman to live a turned on life and will provide the answers to all of your juicy questions!

The four-session follow up teleclass is designed to help you take the Secret Ingredients to Becoming a Turned On Woman into action. Each week,  I will introduce a new ingredient to add to your sensual repertoire. Living a turned on life is a practice and this series is designed to support you in making sensual maintenance part of your daily life.

Each evening will wrap up with a Q&A session that will give you direct access to my coaching expertise.

This delicious series dedicated to turn on will give you the tools to begin to tap into the magical, mystical places in your body. It’s time to own our sensual power as women and stop looking outside of ourselves for pleasure.

Come join us to heat up your fire and turn your light up high.

The Secret Ingredients to Becoming a Turned On Woman - Workshop & 4-Week Teleclass

Register Here:

Event Information: The Secret Ingredients to Becoming a Turned On Woman - Workshop & 4-Week Teleclass $149.00 | June 14, 2011 | Women Only

Tuesday, June 14th 7:00pm-9:30pm Teleclass: Tuesday Evenings June 21 | June 28 | July 12 | July 19 8:00pm-9:15pm Discounted Combined Fee: $149 Also available as options below: Workshop Only: $49 Teleclass Only: $125 This course is open to women only.

Address: The Meta Center 214 West 29th Street, 16th floor New York, NY 10001 Map and Directions

June 14, 2011

Start Time: 7:00 pm End Time: 9:30 pm

Has Your Lover Pushed The Sexual Snooze Button? Maybe She is Bored!

So, one of my mentors - Joseph Kramer, PhD told me to go read this column by this very famous sex columnist Dan Savage (I am a huge fan - by the way!) -  here is the link to the column in question. In this particular column  - that somehow I had missed, Dan is  talking about this book called "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love my Low Libido" By Joan Sewell. Apparently according to Sewell - woman naturally have lower libidos - and would rather eat chocolate or at least lots and lots of chips and pizza, than have sex! Look - I like my carbs as much as the next girl  and I have used food - over and over again to fill the empty places inside of me that I just couldn't name. Okay -  lets be real here - I have used food for just about everything! But I am not so sure about this premise - and I have to be honest  - I have also not read Mss Sevell's book - just Savage's column.

And what got me is how Dan - who I love - was being so hostile in this particular column towards women! He was full of forget about it boys - she just isn't into it and it doesn't matter what you do. Dan Savage went into this long rant about the  "if onlys". He said something like - well gentlemen you can forget about all the "if' onlys".

"If only I helped her with the dishes she would have had sex"

"If only she wasn't so tired"

If only I came home from work early to have a romantic dinner"

Dan basically said great-now we know the truth about women - now us men can give it all up and stop trying so hard because she isn't going to fuck us anyway!

So his advice for the men in America? Go drink your beers - play your video games - and fart. And his advice to woman? Put up or shut up when your man goes else where!

This particular column is really a dis-service to all of us.

I am getting really tired of all of this women don't like sex stuff. Not the woman that I know! What I do know is that women get bored. If you are snoozing and serving up the same old thing....night after night....she might choose to open another candy bar and put that in her mouth rather than you! Don't tell me that sitting  with a lap top buzzing is a turn on. It's not. Why not grab her while she is walking by your easy chair and throw her over your lap for a sensuous tickle? See if that doesn't wake her up? Do something different! Savage makes fun of sex play toys...such as chocolate frosting for the body - he says it is not dignified for parts of the male anatomy. I wonder if most men's anatomy would care about it's dignity with a happy tongue playfully washing off the sprinkles?

I believe that we are a nation of sexual paradoxes. We crave sex and think about it constantly - but we are also sexually asleep. We are sexually out of shape! Perhaps we need sexual trainers! Just like gym trainers! And they do exist! Just read my blog - but this needs to go main stream. Just like many people need a trainer to exercise - some may need a sexual trainer to help them wake up their libidos!

When I listen to doctors talk about low sexual urges - I go back to my metaphor of  sleeping beauty. If we are bored and not engaged  - we fall asleep. If we are encouraged to wake up and engage - we will dance with the prince! Or ourselves! Look, it's not just the man's job for wake us up. We have to wake ourselves up. That is really the truth. But this nonsense that the truth of it all is that us women are just are born to like sex less - is a myth worth busting.