After 50

4 Tips On How To Be a Mid Life Sex Goddess Without Tripping on Stilettos

I only recently became a full fledged, card carrying Sex Goddess.  It's a new role for me in life -- and I began my transformation in my early forties.  And now that I am 50, it's off the charts. Oh -- and I am "curvy" -- and stand about 5 feet-three inches tall. What? You don't think I am Sex Goddess material? Well, guess again. And you can be one too. Because it really doesn't have a thing to with "natural beauty" or long legs -- Sex Goddesses are often awakened -- and they can come in some pretty surprising packages. So how do you get there, you might ask? The first thing to do is clean house and get rid of all the self loathing talk. You know what I am talking about -- all those hateful remarks that you say to yourself when you think that nobody is looking. And what about those swipes that we take at ourselves out loud with self deprecating humor? No more "Yeah, well if I looked like her -- maybe!" Or "Whose looking at me anyway?" I am so done with it. It's out of here -- how about you? A Sex Goddess would never, ever say those things about herself. So stop it , and stop your girlfriends when they start doing it, because you know they will. It's a bad influence on your Sex Goddessness.

Clean out the painful stories that we tell ourselves about our bodies and our self worth. The single most important thing that I have learned on my way to becoming a Sex Goddess is that we can't get where we are going unless we are not only grounded in our bodies, but in a place of loving ourselves from the inside out.

I have an ongoing personal "hate my body" garage sale, and you know what? I still have items that need to get off the shelf and out the door. The barrage of incoming data of why I should be dissatisfied with myself is constant, and trust me, the negative messages do creep in. It is like the dust on my furniture -- no matter how much I clean, if I am not constantly vigilant it covers everything again.

None of this is new for any of us. In my case, body image issues have haunted me my entire life. I am an expert on making my backside the butt of most jokes. Oh yeah, I am funny. But I am really hurting myself every time I crack a joke about my body. Learning to love myself was something that was hard for me to do. It didn't matter what I had "accomplished" -- none of that mattered. Deep inside I was wounded as a feminine being. Is any of this familiar to you? Come on, I know that you have most likely read much of this stuff before -- you know what I am talking about, just like you know how you take your tea or coffee. We have all heard it before (was it Oprah?), on how all of us women share this great big collective consciousness filled with a legacy of apologizing for ourselves -- and our actions. We know that somehow, without our consent or even our knowledge -- we have somehow been shaped as sexual beings through the sexual ideals of whatever men thought we should be. One year we are Madonnas the next year we are Cougars.

Really?

I don't know about you, but I am ready for all of us to have one great big collective consciousness garage sale! Let's get rid of the junk! Do we really have to carry this around with us any longer? It is all so last century -- or was it the century before that?

How about turning that old tired place of disconnection from our bodies to being in a place of self loving, self healing and sexy self empowerment? Yeah, I know that you have probably heard something like that before. But hang in there with me.

This is not a make over. We are already here. I am going to be talking about creating a more sensual you. I want to introduce you to what I think are some basic foundation exercises that I used to get myself into those stilettos. I know at first you will not want to do them, but after a month or so of these exercises they will turn into practices. You will simply start to incorporate exercises into your life where ever you are -- you will figure it out!

We are starting from the inside out. Because sexy is as sexy feels! And you can create that new place in your life of having a swish to your hips and a kick to your steps. So check my little list of recommendations, and then try them on again, and again, and again. Who knows what will shift in your life?

1. Take five minutes and get naked alone. That's right. Clear out the house so that you feel safe if you don't have a private place in your home. Get naked and get comfortable. Put on some music if that helps. Don't worry -- I am not asking you to look yet! I am asking you to simply feel your body. You should be somewhere comfortable -- your bed or even a warm bath. Close your eyes and empty your mind. Let your hands wander over your entire body. Feel how beautiful your hair is. Let your hands run over your curves, your breasts, your hips. Pay attention to your body, the texture of your skin. If your own touch is giving you pleasure, you get extra bonus points! Sigh into that feeling of pleasure. Feel your breath. Feel the pleasure that your body can give you just the way it is right now through your own hands. Take the time to feel your body in a conscious way.

Now comes the part that may be harder for some of us than others: tell your body kind things. Give your body compliments. It's okay if you don't quite believe them yet. Just do it. You could thank your body for being so brave trying to get pregnant, giving birth, running that marathon or even getting up this morning and facing the day! You can admire how beautiful the curve of your bottom feels in your hand. Tell your breasts that they are fabulous -- admire your arms and the dimple in your cheek. You get the idea. You can do this -- free form, your own way -- five minutes every day for a month. All your parts.

Find the time and see what shifts for you in your life. After a month passes, do this exercise whenever you think about it. That is what I mean about turning it into a practice. After a while you will begin to do this on your own without much thought. You may find yourself doing this in bed when you wake up or as you fall asleep. Either way, it is a great way to start or end the day. My favorite time is while soaping up in the shower!

2. Go on, take a peek -- it's mirror time! And yes, this involves nudity. Now I have to be honest -- this was and still is a tough one for me. For me, it is easier to feel than to look. But trust me, this does get easier.

Once again, you need privacy and five whole minutes. Once you cleared out the private space and time, stand naked in front of a full length mirror and look. Start at your face and work your way down. You can use your eyes and your hands -- whatever is comfortable to you. Once again, it is time to tell your body kind things. Are your eyes a beautiful color? Then say it. Tell you body loving things. The compliments can be about performance, physical appearance -- whatever comes to mind. But I want you to focus on how your body pleases you and gives you pleasure. Remember you can do this! And it's only five minutes. I started this practice three years ago. I started with five minutes every day -- just like the "feeling" practice. I still do both exercises every week. Remember the dust? It gathers!

3. Take a look at the different images of feminine beauty throughout the ages. Allow yourself to feel the sensuality of different body types. I am round and curvy. I love looking at the images of women during the time of ancient Rome. Take a walk in a museum and take a look at images of female beauty through out the ages. I love the images of the Goddesses painted on the ceilings of cathedrals. If I squint my eyes really, really hard, they kind of look like me! Perhaps you are tall, thin and small breasted? Pick up a fashion magazine and take yourself in. Allow yourself to expand your own perception of female body.

4. Go shopping. Your assignment? Buy some sexy underwear! That's right -- and this is for you. You are not buying for anybody else. What can you wear to work, shopping, or even to a PTA meeting that will make you walk with that special knowledge that you are a hot thing? Is it pull up black stockings? A rhinestone bra? Go get it -- and put it on. You will be surprised how good it can make you feel.

5. Do something different. Create a pleasure plan.  Go on an adventure. Use up what is in your box before you take it to your box!

I hope that you try some of these idea on. I hope that I can inspire you -- and if I see a sexy lady on the street that has a smile behind her eyes, I will wonder if it is you.

Screw Resolutions: 4 Tips On Creating Your Own Sexual Evolution

I've got something for you to consider. I don't have any New Year's Resolutions because I made one big resolution when I turned 50 and that was to turn New Year Resolution's into New Year's Evolutions! I declared that I was going to make my 50's the fullest I could possibly make it. It's a "Decade Evolution" where everyday is all about bringing it up, turning it on, molding my life, self examination and expanding the conversations in my life. I choose my fifties to be as intoxicating and productive as possible. I decided to fill this decade with giving generously to others, expanding the conversation around sexuality, knocking down walls, honoring my heart, new adventures, and a personal expanded sexuality. Ordinary simply does not interest me and I have let go of this idea of arriving.

Richard Dawkin's the evolutionist says that you don't wake up one day and find yourself to be old. You just very, very, very slowly go through all the stages of your life until one day you notice that you have gradually gotten lines on your face, or your hair has shifted to gray along with the rest of you. And somehow, without even noticing you have gone from mid life to old age. The evolution of your heart and sexuality is like that too.

You don't take a course, or work with a coach, or even do a retreat and wake up sexually evolved or have love and relationships handled. It's an evolution of becoming. Of opening your heart to new possibilities and experiences. It's about building new pathways in our bodies and in our hearts.

Collecting the data and processing it all. Slowly, slowly, slowly we work our way to a place in our bodies and in hearts that is a kind of arriving until the next place. It can happen so slowly, that you can arrive in this expanded place of being one moment after days, weeks, months or years of evolution. The journey is a gift not to be rush. Each evolution a turning point.

What about you?

What if you choose a New Year's Evolution instead of a Resolution around your relationship with your sexuality, your body image or your relationships. What would change in your life? Can I inspire you to flip New Year's on it's ass? Evolve instead of Resolve?

It's so much sexier!

Tip Sheet For Your Erotic Evolution:

Now that you get that this is not a THING you do to ARRIVE, but a delicious journey that you go, of course I have some ideas:

1.  BEND: Re-Define and Re-Imagine Relationship: There is nothing like learning to bend and not break. And I am not talking about learning how to do a yoga backward flip in bed as much fun as that could be! But after 50, we have done some living and you don't need the same things you might have needed in your 20's and 30's in relationship.  You may not need a partner to raise a family with. You may still be happy in your 30 year marriage but bored sexually. How can you re-define and re-imagine your current relationship or create a new one? Change your expectations around who your perfect love and sex partner may be.  Try letting go of  old beliefs about what you need to be happy in love and sex.

2. PRACTICE SEX: Re-Claim Your Libido:   It's true what they say: "Use it or Lose it".  Yes, I know you may be in peri-menopause or menopause. You have have physical body changes and emotional body changes after 50. But what if I told you that this could honestly be the hottest time of your life? That you can evolve hotter after menopause? I know that to be true. But if you don't practice being sexual you will numb out instead of firing up.  Self Pleasure, buy sex toys. Read erotica. Just do it.  Vibrators, lubricants, hormone replacement therapies and anticipation are a must!  What we actually do about sex, relationships, our relationship with our bodies and the choices we make in regard to our sexuality are crucial.  We need to practice being erotic!

3. Re-Imagine Your Sexuality: Do you flirt? Do you put on clothing that makes you feel hot? Who would you like to be sexually? How can you evolve there? There is so much out there in the world to support women after 50 to re-imagine, re-define and re-claim their sexuality. Consider working with a sexuality coach or go on a sexuality retreat created just for women. They do exist.

4.  Move the Fuck On: I know. Not very classy. But this idea of throwing this phrase at unpleasant situations, relationships, or ideas can be very freeing. Just say it out loud: "Move the Fuck On"! And it fits so many occasions! Good bye old belief about what I deserve in life!  I'm moving the Fuck On! See you later, unappreciative boyfriend!  "I'm moving the Fuck on! See you later 2014! I'm moving the Fuck On! You know, it even can work with the "WAH WAH WAH" voice in your head that tells you that you are not enough, not loved, appreciated or seen. Even THAT voice. Sometimes, you just need to just "Move the Fuck on" in order to feel hot and sexy in your own body.

Funny how things that change overnight often are years in the making. Earthquakes for instance. Plates deep beneath the surface move, shift, bump and grind for eons. All that subterranean actions sends up warning tremors, little rumbles that are often too small to notice. Until the big one hits, the one that shatters windows, brings down buildings, and snaps bridges in two.

You can be an an erotic earth quake after 50.

You really can evolve.

 

After 50 Vaginal Maintenance: What Every Owner Needs To Know

Are you "After 50" and a  proud owner of a vagina? If you are, you might have noticed that your vagina and her needs are changing.  Vaginas actually have an environment that shifts during our life cycle and what we expect of them. Vaginas need and enjoy attention; and knowing how to keep your vagina happy is very important because if your vagina isn't happy nobody is happy! Most of us know that vaginas are self cleaning ovens, a source of pleasure and a sometimes portal for life. But did you know that in the United States alone, six thousand women go into menopause every day?

Did you know that some of these women may experience uncomfortable dryness, pain and a lowering of libido.

Well, phooey on that (phooey is a scientific term for 'get outta here').

Yes, you can go the route of estrogen therapy and other pharmaceutical remedies. But for some women who have or have survived estrogen-receptor positive cancer, or are concerned that they may be at high risk for cancer, they can't use hormone therapy. And even if you do use these therapies; I think that my routine for vaginal maintenance could either be a stand alone or combined with western medicine.

Pamela's Tips For Vaginal Maintenance:

1.  Keep a bottle or jar of coconut oil (organic) in the bathroom. After you pee and wipe; put a little oil on your fingers and massage your inner labia and the area around the opening of your vagina. This will keep the skin of your inner labia and the opening to your vagina soft and subtle. Yes, do this every time you use the bathroom at home. 2. Buy a jade egg or Kegel Beads.  Not everyone has a partner, and even those of us that do have partners are not having intercourse enough for our vaginal health. Our vaginas needs to be exercised! If we do not provide our vaginas with regular stimulation we may experience the walls of our vaginas thinning or worse  vaginal atrophy can occur.  By wearing a jade egg or play with Kegel Beads, we are taking the health of our vaginas into our own hands.  The use of the egg or beads can also help you maintain your ability to create lubrication. The beads jump around in your vagina and literally work out the walls.  Many vagina owners report that they don't even notice that they are wearing the egg or beads. Just be care when you go to the bathroom! They could fall out! A great first step with the beads is sleeping with them inside you. You can wear the beads or egg all day. Experiment with them. 3. Use lubricants! Lube is really your friend. Don't let your partner use spit to create a wetter environment in your vagina(yes, some partners really try to get away with that!).  Sex doesn't have to be painful, and using lots of lubricant can make your vagina really happy. Use lubricate when you place your Kegel Beads inside of you, or when you use the Jade Egg.  Use lubricants when you play with sex toys.  Use lube! I like Sliquid Silk Lube and Hathor Aphrodisa Lubricant.

4. Check out Sex Butter.  Sex butter is also a natural lubricant, but it is also a stimulant.  Many women report that using Sex Butter has also supported them in easing vaginal pain. I keep it in my tool box.

5. Use insertables. That's right, I am talking sex toys that you can put in your vagina. Once again, this is about pleasure but it's also about keeping our over 50 vaginas happy! My favorite toys at the moment are made by njoy. These toys have body and weight to them. They can give a woman something to hold onto and I like that.  I highly recommend the "Pure Wand", "The Fun Wand" and the njoy "Eleven". These toys are made out of pure medical grade stainless steel.  They feel good, can give you lots of pleasure and they are really fabulous for vaginal maintenance.  Invest in one or try them all.  All three of these beauties are in my tool chest.

6.  Vagina Hugs: Your vagina needs love and attention. This does not always have to look like rocket ship orgasms. Vaginas like to be touched and held. Sometimes, simple hold and rocking is enough.  Or gentle petting either with dry hands or with lubricant. Try that when you wake up in the morning or when you are falling asleep at night.

Remember, do one else can really love and maintain your vagina for you.  And when your vagina is happy, the world is a brighter place!

 

Do You Have Slut-Ish Interrupt-us?

It can happen at anytime - seemingly without warning.  One day, your stop reading hot erotica, looking for quiet alone time to self pleasure, and rather watch "Masters of Sex" than actually have sex.  You find yourself more interested in green juice cleansing, yoga and meditation than orgasm.  You may find it very confusing; after all you may have been the "IT" girl. You know, the girl who always wanted "IT".   Yes, you might have been "The Slut".  The woman that not only wanted sex, but you may have been the woman who sought out new experiences from threesomes, to bi-sexuality to live reenactments of "Fifty Shades of Gray".  Or you may just have loved sex within your fabulous monogamous marriage, and now you rather order in a pizza.

You are not alone.  You have "Slut-ish Interrupt-us" a term recently coined by the legendary sex educator and pleasure activist Carol Queen.

It happens.  And there is hope for all of us women who wonder where that hot woman went. She is not gone; she just may have had an estrogen dive in Peri-Menopause or Menopause. She may be busy with little children or recovering from a pregnancy or infertility. And quite frankly she may be bored.

Let's be clear, for women of "a certain age" which can happen anytime in our forties and land like a lead balloon in our fifties; the estrogen dive is not fun. Low estrogen can result in painful intercourse, lower libido and vaginal dryness: OUCH.  And you can see your gynecologist for solutions! And for women dealing with little kids and pregnancy; Slut-ish Interrupt-us can be helped by creating some space away from all we hold dear. but I think for all women who have left their beloved slut behind, a central cause can be boredom.

I think that sexual boredom is the most overlooked issue in Slut-ish Interrupt-us.

Do you have a "Pleasure Plan"? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? When was the last time you have given yourself something different?

My bet is that it has been a long time since you have invited your inner slut out to play and that is why you have simply crumbled and find found yourself in a very long season of discontent.

Screw that.  You remember what it was like: Right?

Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn't look one way and to bring back your inner slut you may have to go digging into your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure. How about declaring an end to Slut-us Interrupt-us?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing taking on a sex coach or joining forces with a girlfriend. You will need support.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! Tantra anyone? Want to dance in a Red Tent? Explore coming Back to Your Body?

5.  Explore reading memoirs about other women who are in the midst of a nose dive.  Go "Eat Pray Love" and see how you can somehow create something like that in your life. Don't know what I am talking about? Read my book! Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner!

Face your life, and look to your desires, leave no path untaken.

The point is to make a plan. These are some ideas to get you started, and an offer of help. You don't have to wave good bye to those days of living a hot sexy life. You just have to wake yourself up.

So, do you have a “Pleasure Plan”? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? Perhaps it’s not the story book romance that we thought we would have in our lives. Or our marriage beds have cooled, or there isn’t a partner at all. Or maybe we just want something more or different? What then? Do we simply crumble and find ourselves in a very long season of discontent?

Screw that. Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn’t look one way. And without support you are as likely to drop your Pleasure Plan as the next Green Diet Cleanse!

I am dedicated to living a life filled with pleasure, and I love to inspire pleasure appreciation in others. It’s my work, and it’s my passion. Pleasure is my creative rocket fuel for all the parts of my life – and it can be yours too.

It’s okay to go digging in your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure.  January1st is just around the corner. Why not begin to plan for a new kind of New Year’s Resolution? How about declaring your own “Year of Pleasure”?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing a coaching series with me! The Queen of Pleasure! Let me help you tap into what you want, and let figure out how to get it.  Set up a free consultation to talk about setting up a “Pleasure Plan” for yourself.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! If you are a woman – consider joining me, Ron and Neal at our May “July 3rd Back to the Body Retreat  limited to only six women.

5. Consider a private retreat with a hands on practitioner, and go on your own Shameless Journey……and yes…..of course I can help you there too!  I can help you plan a private mini retreat for yourself, working with me and a Sexological Bodyworker. We also create private mini couple’s retreats. Email me, we can talk about it!

- See more at: http://pamelamadsen.org/a-year-of-pleasure/the-importance-of-having-a-pleasure-plan/#sthash.h6UHNcUR.dpuf

So, do you have a “Pleasure Plan”? It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? I spend hours everyday “channeling the Goddess” in women, and sometimes their partners. What I have learned, is that everyone needs a “Pleasure Plan” and often that means reaching out of the box.  How do we feed ourselves pleasure? Perhaps it’s not the story book romance that we thought we would have in our lives. Or our marriage beds have cooled, or there isn’t a partner at all. Or maybe we just want something more or different? What then? Do we simply crumble and find ourselves in a very long season of discontent?

Screw that. Do you want more pleasure, fun and adventure in your life? Then create the plan. Take out the calendar and start planning your own “Year of Pleasures”. Start a journal about it.  Start a Pleasure Plan Blog. How can you bring pleasure into your life?

It just doesn’t look one way. And without support you are as likely to drop your Pleasure Plan as the next Green Diet Cleanse!

I am dedicated to living a life filled with pleasure, and I love to inspire pleasure appreciation in others. It’s my work, and it’s my passion. Pleasure is my creative rocket fuel for all the parts of my life – and it can be yours too.

It’s okay to go digging in your 401K for pleasure. You are never too young or too old to transform your relationship with pleasure.  January1st is just around the corner. Why not begin to plan for a new kind of New Year’s Resolution? How about declaring your own “Year of Pleasure”?

Here are some possible starting places:

1. Consider doing a coaching series with me! The Queen of Pleasure! Let me help you tap into what you want, and let figure out how to get it.  Set up a free consultation to talk about setting up a “Pleasure Plan” for yourself.

2. Layout your calender and your finances! Put aside a budget of time and money. Give generously to your plan. Your life will transform. Really, the new whatever can wait!

3. Consider taking a “Pleasure Retreat”. I try to have one every two months for an extended weekend. I plan for it. I pull every drop of pleasure out of that time. There is the pleasure of anticipation and planning, the actual event, and the after glow where I can roll it around in my mouth for weeks after! Go somewhere you have never been before. Figure out the food! What is your pleasure? Experiment. Your pleasure could be visiting gardens, it doesn’t have to be sex!

4. Explore workshops! There are lots of awesome workshops in the sexuality realm! If you are a woman – consider joining me, Ron and Neal at our May “July 3rd Back to the Body Retreat  limited to only six women.

5. Consider a private retreat with a hands on practitioner, and go on your own Shameless Journey……and yes…..of course I can help you there too!  I can help you plan a private mini retreat for yourself, working with me and a Sexological Bodyworker. We also create private mini couple’s retreats. Email me, we can talk about it!

- See more at: http://pamelamadsen.org/a-year-of-pleasure/the-importance-of-having-a-pleasure-plan/#sthash.h6UHNcUR.dpuf

 

The Season Of Your Discontent

I know that feeling. It's the "Season of Your Discontent" and it can feel like anxiety or restlessness, or sadness, or even depression. And here is the thing: If you don't change directions, you are going to end up where you're headed. And you might really love where you are going and you might really be more than fine with where you land. And you might stay in that season of discontent for a really long time. I'm not sure when it hits. And I think it hits at different times for different people.

It's that feeling of being restless, annoyed, bored, just a little pissed off all the time, and being full of feelings we just can't name. And some of "the restless" are too scared to change direction; they are stuck like a sailboat caught in "irons". They can't move, but they are right on course.

Dear Restless, this blog is for you. I believe that if you stay on the course you are on, you will go from numb to bitter to destroyed.

But here's the deal, if you find it within yourself to do something different something will change. And I can pretty much nail the outcome for you.

You will awaken. And trust me, there is nothing like "awakening".

I know - awakening sounds incredibly sexy, messy and scary to some people. Let's face it. This may mean letting go of a lot of our stories. The biggest one that might need to go first - is letting go of our hunger for approval.

You may actually need to say "No", and we are going to do things my way for a change. You might need to "spend" time on yourself. You may need to do something completely out of the box that you might not even want anyone to know about. You may need to actually spend money, find baby sitters for your children or care takers for your parents, or tell your partner that you are taking off for a bit.

What if there was pleasure outside of the pleasure of pleasing and "getting it right"?

Whoa! I get it - you might face some pretty annoyed folks who are used to you playing just the same way you have always played. And if you are anything at all like me, you hate getting it wrong, being rejected, judged or criticized. I have been a people pleasing addict for most of my life. It hurts me more than anything to feel like I have failed someone. But you are giving away your creative and spiritual life in order to be "Liked" and "Respected".

And what about failing yourself? How alive, awake, turned on are you willing to be? All I know is that life is going by very fast these days. Maybe it always was. But I am feeling it more and more.

I think it might be time for all of us to change direction. It's time to get serious about what we really want in our lives. What about pleasure, joy, a feeling of true accomplishment about something you really care about? Is it time to shift your perspective and perhaps your priorities?

Please don't tell me that now is not the time, but you are going to do "This" soon. That you really want "This". But you have to save more money, or the time is not right, or you are too fat, or too old, or too stuck and nothing ever works anyway.

It's time to experiment with radical imagination and live your great big sexy life. Go on, create a" title "Pleasure Plan" and get someone on your team. If that's not me, then get someone else. But get yourself an professional cheerleader, mess maker, advocate and ball breaker! Someone who will laugh with you when you fall on your butt and clap for you when you get up. Someone who will pull you by your resistant ankles who you will kiss on the mouth later!

But do something. I promise you this; if you don't get some crazy ass new stuff on your calender you will stay on the same course. Really. I know. If you need to justify this - I promise you that your work will get better. You will be more creative and more abundant. You will look more beautiful without doing a thing. Life will start paying attention to you in ways you just can't imagine.

And if you make a great big fucking mistake - does it really matter? Trust me, the purple will wash out of your hair!