My Shameless Raw Need

Sometimes - my need for touch and holding is so big that I can feel myself begin to go looking for all kinds of trouble to get into in my life - instead of getting what I really need. It's kind of like that Pink song when she sings about losing her husband so she decides that in order to feel better - "I think I am gonna start a fight!" It's not always so easy to get my needs met. And it has taken me a long time to understand these feelings - and I write about all of it in my memoir - SHAMELESS. Yet it all remains so interesting to me -  how I have learned to recognize my various types of hunger - and know that it has nothing to do with a bag of chips. I am not talking about traditional sex here. I know that is what everyone goes to - oh that Pamela - she really just needs a good you know what! But I hate to disappoint - that's not what I am wanting right now. I mean it could be - but it's not what I need right now.

Sometimes what I need - truly hunger for - is to be touched and held without any agenda at all. Most women - most people don't have any idea what I am talking about. I am talking about having someone hold you - and touch you without their needs being imposed onto your needs. Letting the time together be just about the receiver without having to meet the needs of the giver.  Most of us are only touched when there is need on behalf of the giver....and we receive their need - and then get ignited to dance with with them. In fact that is the traditional model of female sexuality. We are the receivers of need - and learn to take our pleasure that way.

Well - that's not what I am needing right now. Right now - I am needing something completely different.