"If you don't use it...you lose it". Have you ever heard that phrase? How about "The more you get - the more you want?" Have you noticed that the word "insatiable" goes so well with the word "desire"? Almost like peanut butter and jelly! I am starting to feel like sex can be like Chinese food - you can have a delicious meal -and twenty minutes later you are hungry.
Okay...so maybe I am exaggerating just a little, but I do think that if you do not stir the pot of your sexual being - you can become dormant - like a hibernating bear. And when you wake up and begin to feed yourself you can find that your hunger is extraordinary. And that hunger can be quite unsettling. How do we manage our hunger?
So many of us are like Sleeping Beauty. We are resting - but what happens when Beauty wakes up and the Prince is snoring? Or if there is no Prince? How does Beauty feed herself?
I have been steeped in desire lately, so many people have been writing to me about their desires since I launched "Being Shameless". It has been amazing. There is a lovely woman who goes by "Jessica". Jessica is in her forties, a single mother by choice, and she runs her own business. She is not untypical of women today. Jessica wrote to tell me that about a year ago she began to work with a Certified Sexological Bodyworker. And guess what happened? Her inner "Sleeping Beauty" woke up! WoooHoooo! Fantastic!! Right?
Well the truth is that feeling our newly found sexual awakening can sometimes be uncomfortable!
I love exploring desire. What we desire - how desire looks for us and how we reach for our desires. Jessica really touched me in her note -
"Speaking of desire I have a subject that I hope to get feedback about. I have a terrible time focusing on the requirements of my daily life. Since I started to work with a Sexological Body Worker 8 months ago - I have become so focused on sex! I have a business to run, friends, kids, parents, etc...
I crave all that goes with this quest. Following this blog - hoping to read your book soon , reading, watching videos, having more experiences, learning, all seem to tug at me when I really should be working or doing the more routine, and often less fulfilling parts of my life. I don't feel comfortable sharing much of this with anyone in my immediate circle, which is obviously a problem I have to work on. I desire comfort in this new found joy. I'm unsettled. Like I'm waiting for something. It's hard to sit with the pleasure and happiness I experience in increasing amounts as I learn and incorporate more of the eroticism and deep excitement I often feel. Maybe that's it. Too much excitement for everyday pursuits.
How do other people deal with this? What do you do with an inability to satisfy yourself, in a complete, overall way? It seems like no matter what I experience I still have insatiable desire for more".
Jessica, I feel your pain! I totally get it. but what I have found is that it comes in waves - this desire...this insatiable need for more. I liken it to survivors of famine who for a while after they are rescued hoard food....or cannot stop eating.
Honey - so many of us are starving and we simply don't know it. And once we finally start eating again - the food can taste so sweet. It can feel like our bodies just cannot get enough in the beginning because we went too long without feeding it. My suggestion is to notice your hunger. I am noticing mine simply by talking about this subject!
And here is the biggie - You can feed yourself. Perhaps you need a little more right now. That's okay - let your body have it. Reassure your body that you will not take this away from yourself ever again - pleasure is IS available. If you can afford it - have a few extra sessions. Indulge yourself a bit and look for new ways to feed yourself.
Feeding yourself can be buying long black stockings and wearing them just for yourself! I have begun to buy beautiful bath products. I am addicted at the moment to LUSH. I give myself special long sexy baths. I acknowledge and feed my desire in different ways. Sometimes - I journal my desire or reach out and connect with others....all the things that you are doing. Perhaps it may be time for a get away workshop?
The best solution is exactly what you are doing - own your desire and feed it. That is my only solution and if you feed yourself in a way that reassures your body - your mind will be much more free to do what you need to do. Remember that noticing your desire is different than judging your desire. Please try not to judge it. Don't "decide" that it is too much. Another way of looking at your increasing desire is to view it as an indicator of your vitality!
I believe that once our bodies learn that we will never go to sleep on ourselves again, that we will become less agitated and over time, that we will become more fulfilled. For now, eat freely and eat often! I am so glad that you woke up Jessica!
Wanting more isn't always comfortable. But isn't it so much better than being asleep?