It's time to talk fair trade when it come to sexuality and intimate relationships! Are you giving as good as you are getting and are you getting as good as you are giving? The concept of fairness and balance in energy exchange is not a new one, in fact I found a few articles and blogs about this idea on the internet. But I first heard about it in conversation with a friend over lunch. It seems reasonable, but somehow until I heard the term "Fair Energy Exchange", it didn't put my own feelings about giving and taking into perspective.
Most of us understand trading money for physical things, or even trading physical things for physical things. Ever go to a card swap? While we trade physical things, we are all also involved in trading energy on some level. We may on a very subtle level be also trading our emotions or thoughts. Have you ever bartered? Struck a deal? What did that feel like to you?
So, in the world of physical trading, it's all about everyone getting what is fair in value. In a fair energy exchange it's all about each person getting a fair and agreeable or balanced share of the effort and energy being put out and received in relationship.
People don't just steal or take advantage in business. People also steal, take advantage, or make bad trades when it comes to another person's energy.
Beware the energy suckers! These are the folks that are really good at getting, but rarely put out. They can literally steal your life force energy in order to feel better themselves. Energy suckers can keep you waiting, those folks that are consistently late for everything. Energy suckers are often insensitive to the emotional or physical state of another person and continue on with their own agenda. They may also demand unreasonable things and cause stress in the lives of their friends and family. Energy suckers can also steal ideas and pass them off as their own, such as writing about "Fair Energy Exchange" and saying that it is an original concept! It's important in energy exchange to give credit.
Fair Energy Exchange in sex and intimate relationship is crucial even in "Power Relationships" when one person is dominant and one is submissive. When a submissive gives to a dominant, the dominant also has responsibilities in supporting the submissive's needs at the back end. In every kind of sexual relationship, no matter how kinky or traditional - there is an energy exchange and fairness counts.
If you believe in what you give comes back to you, the universal law of Karma, we need to be aware of the balance of what we are taking and giving in a relationship. How we give back may be very varied. It may not be an orgasm trade!
So pay attention to your energy exchanges. It's important not to get stuck in a pattern of over receiving and over giving. Spending too long in each pattern will eventually cause a relationship collapse. We need to think about how to give back the energy in healthy amounts to the person that is giving to us, and this is not always as straight forward as it seems. Some ways of giving back can include touch. Giving a massage without receiving one back. Reaching for a hand, or putting an arm around your intimate partner while you are walking. using your "love language" with each other. Is it important to your intimate partner to be called by a nick name? Do you have a special way of signing off emails? Taking the time to listen without inserting your own story. Texting, or phoning just to send love. Planning an evening out, or even the traditional bringing of the flowers are all examples of ways to give energy. Taking your partner on a trip, making sure that their is wine in their glass, the possibilities are endless for way that we can give and take energy in intimate relationships. It is all about balance and being aware of the other person. So much of energy exchange is subtle. It can take the form of kind words, sharing our creative thinking, cooking meals, and even how we react verbally or physically to each other. How can we offer sexy fun, healing, compassion and support to each other?
We live in a world that is full of transition and erratic energy. Everyone it seems is going through something in our every day lives. The world is calling for our attention, and demanding our time. It's hard to create the time and attention that is often required for a fair energy exchange. It takes effort to give and receive pleasure, love, caring, and intimacy in our everyday lives.
It's important to remember that whatever we receive, is taken from somewhere.
We can also take a more proactive perspective to energy exchange. We can help build kindness reserves by giving more than we take. This is service. It's always our choice of what we need, want or expect in an energy exchange. It's just a good idea to be aware that fairness counts. Play fair everybody!