To truly experience what it is to have sexual freedom, we need to cultivate our erotic imagination. For each of us, our sexual freedom lies in our ability and willingness to create a sexuality of our very own. Forget normal. In truth, what works for doctors and some psychotherapists putting the human experiences into boxes of normal and not normal does not always serve us when it comes to sexuality. What if we were each invited to view our sexuality as a work of art, and I handed you a blank canvas that was the size of the biggest wall you had ever seen, and an endless supply of colorful paints, pencils and markers. What if I invited you to fill this tremendous blank canvas with your erotic desires? What if you felt truly free enough to create your very own sexuality without shame, judgement or inhibitions?
The human erotic imagination may be one of the golden keys to having an extraordinary sex life. So many of us are raised with a spoken and unspoken understanding of what is allowable when it comes to having sex. We are raised with this idea of what is "normal' and "approved" and what is not. Quite literally, for many of us our erotic imagination get's shut down and we are left with a very short list of what is allowable for us in our expression of sexuality. Everything else is somehow made "taboo" or "dirty" or "not normal".
That leaves us with either filled with shame over desires that we may think are wrong, or we simply become numbed out to the possibilities.
For others, we may simply have not explored how to cultivate our erotic imagination. So what makes up our erotic imagination? What are some tools to free up and explore our erotic imagination:
- Sexual fantasy is a great starting ground. Allowing ourselves to travel freely in our own mind and explore without shame or putting any labels of judgement around our sexual fantasies.
- Reading erotica and romance novels can be a great place to put your erotic flint to stone.
- Wandering through a sex toy shop can also be a great place to cultivate your erotic imagination. Walk around and handle the toys. Often there are books and videos to explore as well.
- Explore the idea of sexuality being playful. When we play we are free to get things wrong, experiment, try on different roles, laugh and even be foolish. What if we looked at sexuality as play?
- Put on costumes. And this idea is not just limited to women. Erotic lingerie can be a wonderful tool to assist our erotic imaginations. I know men who put on superman boxer shorts to get into the mood. Are they exploring their erotic imagination? I think so.
We can all cultivate our own erotic imagination and create a sexuality of our very own. Let go of "normal" and invite in exploration and play. The possibilities for sexual expression is as vast and limitless as the human mind. Come play.